ise kehte hain gangaajal mein gangaa poojaa

Film: Naram Garam

Year of release: 1981

Spoken by: Vishnuprasad (AK Hangal)

Spoken to: Bhawani Shankar Bajpai (Utpal Dutt)

Dialogue writer: Dr Rahi Masoom Raza

Bhawani Shankar goes to his village house to evict the Father-daughter duo who are illegally occupying his house. Vishnuprasad comes out to greet him and welcome him. 

Bhawani Shankar asks him to leave immediately. Vishnuprasad agrees but says, 

"aap mehmaan hain, mehmaan ka svaagat karnaa hamaara dharm hai. hamen apnaa dharm to nibhaa lene dijiye. aap baiThiye to sahi."

"main bhi kyaa, aapka makaan aur aap hi ko baiThne ke liye keh rahaa hoon. Ise kehte hain gangaajal mein gangaa poojaa."

"मैं भी क्या, आपका मकान और आप ही को बैठने के लिए कह रहा हूँ. इसे कहते हैं गंगाजल में गंगा पूजा"

1 hr 32 min into the film. 

galat jagah par bola jaane vaala sach, jhooth se bhi zyaadaa dangerous ho jaataa hai

Film: Khwab

Year of release: 1980

Spoken by: Dr Joshi (Ashok Kumar)

Spoken to: Miss Prasad (Ranjeeta)

Dialogue writer: Dr Rahi Masoom Raza

Madan Puri and Ranjeeta go to Mr Joshi the best lawyer in town i.e. Ashok Kumar. 

After he goes through the case file he says:

"Stupid!

Police station par ye statement dene ki raay unhe kisne di?

Ranjita says:"kya sach bolne mein nuqsaan hotaa hai Mr Joshi?"

Ashok Kumar retorts,"sach is a beautiful word Miss Prasad...lekin galat jagah par bola jaane vaala sach, jhooth se bhi zyaadaa dangerous ho jaataa hai!"

लेकिन ग़लत जगह पर बोला जाने वाला सच, झूठ से भी ज़्यादा डेंजरस हो जाता है !"

There is another very interesting court scene towards the climax of the movie, which I remember providing me a great laugh when I had watched it as a kid (on TV). 

After prosecuting lawyer Mr Dalal (Utpal Dutt) does a dramatic reconstruction of how he think the accused committed the murder, Ashok Kumar says:

"iske baad your honour mulzim ki aankh khul jaati hai

main saabit karna chaahtaa hoon your honour ki mr dalaal ki dalil galat hai

saamne baithaa huaa aadmi kisi ke sar ke peechhe nahin maar saktaa

ab main bataataa hoon ki maya devi ke sar ke peechhe chot kaise lagi

phir se samajhiye ki main mulzim hoon

na jaane kyon maine ye tay kar liyaa ki ghaav to sar ke peechhe hi lagaanaa hai

to main yoon chhalaang maar kar peechhe aauungaa

aur yuun maarungaa

your honour. aisaa karne ke liye mujhe paani par khada rahnaa padegaa

You can watch this hilarious scene by clicking the link below. Ashok Kumar excelled in this special appearance too. 

Watch this scene

(https://youtu.be/_5L1UcMTUjA?t=7388)

woh jitnii baar naa kahe use haa.n hee samajhnaa

Film: Kasam Paida Karne Vaale Ki

Year of release: 1984

Spoken by: Satish's Daimaa (Geeta Siddharth)

Spoken to: Satish (Mithun Chakravarty)

Dialogue writer: Dr Rahi Masoom Raza

Recently after the Nirbhaya incident, when Justice Verma submitted his report,  there was a lot of discussion as to whether marital rape should be included within its ambit. Consent and its contours have been in focus these days. If you ever wonder why the society thinks in a certain way, please listen to the dialogues used in the potboilers. They are supposed to mirror the way society thinks. But in reality they fashion the way society thinks. 

So when Satish was going in to his bridal suite on his wedding night to be with his newly wed wife, his Daimaa tells him this gem:

"woh jitnii baar naa kahe use haa.n hee samajhnaa"

"वो जितनी बार ना कहे उसे हाँ ही समझना"

phir democracy kaa faaydaa kyaa hai

Film : Baat Ban Jaaye

Year of release : 1986

Spoken by : Mr Singh (Utpal Dutt)

Spoken to : Aruna (Aruna Irani)

Dialogue writer : Dr Rahi Masoom Raza

Mr Singh is Nisha Singh (Zeenat Aman)'s uncle. He is trying to hook her up with a poor boy. After his second attempt fails, as the poor 'boy' Yashwant Bhonsle (Amol Palekar) hits paydirt with his latest invention, he goes to Hyderabad to search for the next target. 

He is sitting in the lobby of the hotel in Hyderabad with Aruna and remarks 

"छी छी अरुणा, ये कहाँ आ गए हैं हम. आधे घंटे से ढूंढ रहा हूँ. एक भी ग़रीब नज़र नहीं आया. फिर डिमॉक्रसी का फ़ायदा क्या है?"

"chhi chhi Aruna, ye kahaa.n aa gaye hai.n ham. aadhe ghanTe se DhoonDh rahaa hoo.n, ek bhi Gareeb nazar nahee.n aayaa.

phir democracy kaa faaydaa kyaa hai?"

Of course, he finds more 'Gareeb' targets as the comedy develops further. This could have been a great film with a younger star cast. Apart from Mithun, all the other actors were well past their prime. One of the cast actually died during the making. It affects the timing. And comedy is all about timing. If this film was made with the same cast in 1977, it would have been in a different league. 

Satire in Hindi film is rare. And in the hands of a master craftsman like Rahi Masoom Razaa, it does create the desired effect. 

mere paas zaraa sii bhii maafii nahii.n hai, varnaa zaroor de detaa

Film : Aap ke Saath

Year of release : 1986

Spoken by : Bimal (Anil Kapoor)

Spoken to : Deepa (Rati Agnihotri)

Dialogue writer : Dr Rahi Masoom Reza

I was just watching this film casually. The quality of a couple of lines hit me immediately. I sat up and started listening carefully. The dialogue writer was not an ordinary man. The film was ordinary (bad actually). But the dialogues were constantly rising above their milieu. I immediately did a web search and discovered that the dialogue writer was Dr Rahi Masoom Reza.

Bimal is the philandering younger son of a rich man (Utpal Dutt). In one sequence, a drunk man (Seth Kishorilal i.e. Pinchoo Kapoor) mistakes him to be a cabbie and forcibly sits in his car and asks him to take him home.  However his home is actually an old age home, where he has been living ever since his son threw him out of his own house (he had once been a rich man). The caretaker of the old age home is Deepa. When she comes out to receive Kishorilal, she mistakenly believes that Bimal is Kishorilal's son. The son who had thrown his own father out of his house. She scolds him severely for leaving his old father at an old age home.

When she realises her mistake, she apologises to Bimal

"mai.n bahut bahut maafii maangtii hoo.n"

Bimal says

"mere paas zaraa sii bhii maafii nahii.n hai, varnaa zaroor de detaa"

sochaa! ab sochnaa bhii shuru kar diyaa

Film : Golmaal

Year of release : 1979

Spoken by : Bhawani Shankar (Utpal Dutt)

Spoken to : Kalindi (Shubha Khote)

Dialogue writer : Dr. Rahi Maasoom Raza

I believe they remade this film as Bol Bachchan. Thank goodness neither Hrishida nor Dr Raza is alive. The original of course was a classic with beautifully scripted and delivered lines. This was one of them. This is part of the extremely funny scene where both Bhawani and his sister Kalindi are looking for Lucky (Amol Palekar). Bhawani is armed with a gun and Kalindi has a stout staff in her hand. While they are going around the house looking for Lucky, Kalindi  hits Bhawani on the head with a stout stick thinking that he is Lucky. An angry Bhawani says 

"kalindi ki bachchi yahaa.n kyaa kar rahee hai?"

An embarrassed Kalindi stutters,

"bhaiyyaa maine socha..."

Bhawani interrupts her and shouts

"sochaa! ab sochnaa bhii shuru kar diyaa"

"सोचा! अब सोचना भी शुरु कर दिया"

wanted honaa unwanted hone se hameshaa achchhaa hotaa hai

Film : Kala Dhandha Goray Log

Year of release : 1986

Spoken by : Raja (Sanjay Khan)

Spoken to : Durgadas Jethia (Anupam Kher)

Dialogue writer : Dr. Rahi Masoom Raza

This was  Sanjay Khan's last film as an actor, before he decided to move to television and spas. Of course, I keep mentioning this fact, his real name is Abbas Khan and the screen name he was given was Sanjay (not Sanjay Khan). It was only in these later films that the screen titles started calling him Sanjay Khan. 

Durgadas is a mafia don. He is meeting Raja for the first time. When he meets Raja, he says,

"tumse milne ka baDaa shauq thaa. dekhanaa chaahataa thaa wo aadmii kaisaa hai jiskaa naam police aur customs dono.n kee wanted list me.n sabase oopar hai"

And since this is Sanjay Khan's introduction shot in the film and he also happens to be the producer, he gave himself a great line. 

"wanted honaa, unwanted hone se hameshaa achchhaa hotaa hai durgaadas."

"वॉंटिड होना, अनवॉंटिड होने से हमेशा अच्छा होता है दुर्गादास" 

National dress kaa mazaaq nahee.n uDaaoge to broad-minded kaise kahe jaaoge

Film : Golmaal
Year of release : 1979
Spoken by : Bhawani Shankar (Utpal Dutt)
Spoken to : RC - Guest at party (Unknown)
Dialogue writer : Dr. Rahi Maasoom Raza

This is the scene where Bhawani Shankar sees Ramprasad's fake mother at a party in stark contrast to her simple white sari avatar that he had seen. This makes him smell a rat and leads to many interesting situations. He is sitting sipping his drink with a couple of his friends and lamenting (as usual) the state of affairs. He is wearing a bandgalaa suit while his friends are wearing the typical English suits. Here is that exchange.

"aaj kal party hotii kahaa.n hai. party ke naam par fashion parade hotii hai..  fancy dress show hotaa hai."

"tum kisme.n aaye ho, fashion parade me.n, yaa fancy dress show me.n ?"

"haa.n haa.n national dress kaa mazaaq nahee.n uDaaoge to broad-minded kaise kahe jaaoge. "
"हाँ हाँ, नॅशनल ड्रेस का मज़ाक़ नहीं उडाओगे तो ब्रॉड माइंडिड कैसे कहे जाओगे."

RC jhenp jaao bhai, bhawaani ne jawaab to munh toD diyaa hai. 

ahl-e-zabaan is cheez ko to.nd hee kehte hai.n

Film : Naram Garam 

Year of release : 1981

Spoken by : Seth Salaamat Hussain Khaan (T P Jain)

Spoken to : Bhawani Shankar Bajpai (Utpal Dutt)

Dialogue writer : Dr. Rahi Masoom Raza

The one scene that I will never forget in this film is the 'kusi beTii eee' scene of Utpal and Swaroop. But for the moment, I will let that be. The line on hand refers to a lesser known actor called TP Jain. If you have seen Angoor you will remember him as the jeweller who insists that he be paid since it is eleven o clock. But if you don't remember that, you might as well see this film. 

Naram Garam tried to recreate the Golmaal magic - Hrishida might actually have called it Golmaal Returns :) - but it did not work that well. But it was an enjoyable film nonetheless. 

In the film Utpal Dutt is a widower who suddenly develops the desire to get married (thanks to some astrological beliefs and incitement), but since the girl who he is marrying (Swaroop Sampat partly dubbed by Farida Jalal) is almost 40 years younger, he tries to keep everything hush hush. So the tailor who comes to take the measurement for the sherwani (played by TP Jain) is asked to lock the door behind him. The tailor is suddenly very suspicious (his look is a classic), but being a professional he stands his ground. While taking the measurements, the inevitable waist measurement happens. Salaamat writes down the measurement as 'tond' - a reference to the generous paunch. Bhawani protests, to which Salaamat retorts

'ab is cheez ko kamar keh kar allah paak kee tauheen to nahee.n kar saktaa naa huzoor. ahl-e-zabaan is cheez ko to.nd hee kehte hai.n"

"अब इस चीज़ को कमर कह कर अल्लाह पाक की तौहीन तो नहीं कर सकता ना हुज़ूर. अहल-ए-ज़बान इस चीज़ को तोंद ही कहते हैं"

Maine to kulhaaDee pe pair maaraa hai

Film : Golmaal
Year of release : 1979
Spoken by : Ramprasad Sharma (Amol Palekar)
Spoken to : Ratna (Manju Singh)
Dialogue writer : Dr. Rahi Masoom Raza

There is a saying in Hindi

खरबूज़ा छुरी पर गिरे या छुरी खरबूज़े पर

which means that whether the musk melon falls on the knife or the knife falls on the musk melon, the end result is one and the same. The knife is not harmed while the melon is cut open.

In this film, Ramprasad says

"लोग तो पैरों पर कुल्हाड़ी मारते हैं, मैने तो कुल्हाड़ी पर पैर मारा है"
"Log to pairon pe kulhaadi maarte hain main to kulhaaDi par pair maaraa hai"

At first glance, there seems to be no difference. But Ramprasad is referring to his act of having proffered to teach his boss's daughter as an act of Himalayan stupidity. Hence 'kulhaaDee par pair maaraa hai'. Because if you have to go and bang your legs against an axe, physically you will have to align your legs in a particular manner and hence it would be more difficult than hitting your legs with an axe.