naalaayaq, adharmi, duraachaari, vaamaachaari, bhrashTaachaari, bol sorry

Film: Jaane bhi do yaaro

Year of release: 1983

Spoken by: Tarneja (Pankaj Kapoor)

Spoken to: Ahuja (Om Puri)

Dialogue writer: Ranjit Kapoor and Satish Kaushik 

First, a rant. It is not jaane bhi do yaaron, it's jaane bhi do yaaro. There is no 'n' at the end. That done, back to the ranch. 

This film was of course a cult classic and the Mahabharat scene has probably given the country many meme worthy lines. I would not have put this line up if I had not recently seen a meme using this line wrongly. 

Then I searched for other sources. All of them were using the same version. Instead of vaamaachaari, they were all saying maamaachaari. Probably they thought they were all Iyengar names, so how does it matter. But the correct word is vaamaachaari. Vaamaachaar or left ritual is part of Tantra, where things like maamsa, madya, maithuna, matsya and mudra are indulged in. So many people consider it unacceptable. Hence the dialogue.

This line works beautifully when you are among friends and have to ask one of them to apologise. Of course, they will all laugh. Half of the people these days won't even know what all these words mean (except Naalaayaq). Of course if you haven't seen the Mahabharata scene, do see it. 

"नालायक़, अधर्मी, दुराचारी, वामाचारी, भ्रष्टाचारी, बोल सॉरी"

apni zid aur apne zameer ko chhoD kar, baaqii sab kuchh bech diyaa

Film: Agar Tum na Hote

Year of release: 1983

Spoken by: Raj Bedi (Raj Babbar)

Spoken to: Ashok Mehra (Rajesh Khanna)

Dialogue writer: Ramesh Pant

Ashok Mehra is launching a range of cosmetics and hires a well-known photographer Raj Bedi for a total contract value of Rs 2.5 lacs. However Raj falls in love with his model Radha (Rekha) and decides that he cannot allow anyone to even see the photos that he has shot, let alone hand them over. This leads to the client (Ashok Mehra) threatening to file a police case. Raj lands up at Ashok's office with a briefcase. Ashok thinks he has buckled in and is handing over the photos and transparencies. But Raj reveals that the briefcase contains Rs 2.5 lacs in cash, which indemnifies the client in full from any possible loss. A surprised Ashok asks Raj,

"kyaa ham aapse poochh sakte hain ki aapne itni baDi raqam kaa intizaam, itni jaldi kaise kiyaa?"

After Munnabhai MBBS, any question that begins with "kya main poochh saktaa huun..." can have only one answer. "Nahiin".

But jokes apart, Raj retorts with this classic Ramesh Pant line. 

"apni zid aur apne zameer ko chhoD kar, baaqii sab kuchh bech diyaa"

"अपनी  ज़िद और अपने ज़मीर को छोड़ कर, बाक़ी सब कुछ बेच दिया"

You can watch this scene here.

chheenke kaa munh agar khulaa rah jaaye, to kam se kam ghar ke kutte ko yaad rakhnaa chaahiye, ki usme.n mu.nh naa Daale

Film : Souten

Year of release : 1983

Spoken by : Gopal Babu(Shriram Lagoo)

Spoken to : Shaam Mohit (Rajesh Khanna)

Dialogue writer : Kamleshwar

Of course this film is remembered more for Sampat Lal (Prem Chopra)'s pet phrase - "mai.n woh balaa hoo.n jo sheeshe se patthar ko toDtaa hoo.n", but I liked this one too.

Rukmini (Tina Munim) is angry at Gopal for having dared to have entered his room. Shaam protests and says that it was he who invited him in. Gopal pacifies them both with this line;

"sir chheenke kaa munh agar khulaa rah jaaye, to kam se kam ghar ke kutte ko yaad rakhnaa chaahiye, ki usme.n mu.nh naa Daale"

"Sir, छींके का मुंह अगर खुला रह जाये, तो कम से कम घर के कुत्ते को याद रखना चाहिये, कि उसमें मुंह ना डाले"

One of those silly eighties film, which was a big hit (wonder how and why). Interesting turn of phrase, though I cannot think of a situation where you would use this line, but it is a good one to have in your repertoire.

Aadmii jo hai aur aadmii jo kartaa hai...aage chalkar donoN meN antar naheeN rehtaa

Film : Ardh Satya
Year of release : 1983
Spoken by : Jyotsana Gokhale (Smita Patil)
Spoken to : Anant Velankar (Om Puri)

This film was one of Govind Nihalani's rare films which was a commercial success too. It was a good film and a must watch for all fans of Hindi films. Jyotsana is a college lecturer who is in love with Anant Velankar (who is the 80s version of Inspector Vijay Khanna). She attends a conference on police brutality and excesses and comes back and asks Anant Velankar to leave his job. He protests at her attempt to paint all the policemen with the same brush. She says,

"Dekho aadmi jo hai, aur jo kartaa hai – aage chalkar donoN meN antar naheeN rahtaa. Odhii huyee manovratti bhee aadmi ko khaa letee hai"

"देखो आदमी जो है, और जो करता है - आगे चलकर दोनों में अंतर नहीं रहता. ओढी हुई मनोवृत्ति भी आदमी को खा लेती है"

She has been reading a lot of stuff related to police atrocities and is progressively getting repulsed by the police and policemen.

meree scooter kee pichhlee seat tumhe, bahut chhoTee maaloom hone lagee hai

Film : Rang Birangi
Year of release : 1983
Spoken by : Jeet (Farooque Sheikh)
Spoken to : Anita (Deepti Naval)

Anita's boss (Amol Palekar), in a bid to perk up his married life, starts romancing her. Her fiance Jeet, who is a professor in a college, routinely picks her up after office on his Lambretta scooter. On a couple of such occasions, he finds her driving off in the evening in her boss' car. On their next meeting, Anita finds him slightly taciturn. She asks him the reason. He says

Anita, mujhe aajkal aisaa lagtaa hai, meree scooter kee pichhlee seat tumhe, bahut chhoTee maaloom hone lagee hai.
अनीता...मुझे आजकल ऐसा लगता है...मेरी स्कूटर की पिछली सीट तुम्हे...बहुत छोटी मालूम होने लगी है

Make up lagaate hi rate double kar diyaa

Hrishida once again. This line is from his 1983 laugh riot Rang Birangi. It is one of his lesser talked about movies. But believe me, it is as good if not better than his other comedy capers like Golmaal and Chupke chupke. It has the irrepressible duo of Utpal Dutt and Amol Palekar teaming up again. The highlight of the film is the line that comes towards the end. I am not going to explain the line. You have got to watch it. But the line is

"अमिताभ बच्चन पागल हो गया है? ये तो होना ही था!"

You have got to see this scene again. In case you have not seen the film - do see the film. But the line featured here comes when Deven Verma who is the scriptwriter of the drama that is being played out in the movie - hires an actor to play the role of a business man (a seth). The plan is that while this hired actor tries to work out the nitty gritties of a deal at a restaurant with Ajay Sharma (Amol Palekar), Nirmala (Parveen Babi; Ajay's wife in the movie) is enacting a scene where she is laughing her heart out with 'another man' Jeet Saxena (Faarooque Sheikh). But when the hired actor arrives at the hotel he demands Rs 200 instead of the Rs 100 that he had earlier agreed to. This prompts Deven to say

"मेक अप लगाते ही रेट डबल कर दिया?"

"Make up lagaate hee rate double kar diyaa?"

You can use this line whenever someone asks for more money than agreed initially. So if you hire a painter to paint your house. After you have arranged (or rather ransacked) your house on the D-day, this guy arrives and says

"saahab do sau rupaye zyaadaa lagenge"

You could retort with

"मेक अप लगाते ही रेट डबल कर दिया?"

Arre naukree milee hai tankhaa naheeN

I have had a lot of queries on the line which features as the title of this blog. Many readers have asked me if I propose to explain this line in detail. I will, I will. But that will have to wait. For the moment, I am featuring another line from that cult classic - Chashme Baddoor.

Siddhaarth Paraashar (Faarooque Sheikh) is an intelligent and educated young man who is in love with Neha Raajan (Deepti Naval). They normally meet at Rajnigandha restaurant and have a tooty fruity ice cream and a coffee. So one day when Siddhaarth goes to meet Neha, he tells her that he has landed a job. Neha is thrilled. She immediately tells the waiter (Keemti Anand) to get a 'double tooty fruity' ice cream. Siddharth's immediate response is

"अरे नौकरी मिली है तंख़्वाह नही"
"Arre Naukri mili hai tankhaaah nahin"

A slightly ruder way of saying the same thing would be

"गांव बसा नही मंगते आ गये"

Literally, the featured line means that I have landed something good, but it is yet to yield fruits. So let us not jump to conclusions and get carried away.

This is a classic line, which I have used many times as a freelancer. If I had landed a lucrative assignment my friends would clamour for a 'treat'. And then I would say this line. So the next

"अरे नौकरी मिली है तंख़्वाह नहीं"

If you have a more thick skinned set of friends, use the other line

"गांव बसा नही मंगते आ गये"