Achchhe ideas kee laashen bichhee huyeen hain is duniyaa men

Film : Inkaar

Year of release : 2013

Spoken by : Rahul (Arjun Rampal)

Spoken to : Maya (Chitrangada Singh)

Dialogue writer : Sudhir Mishra

 

This was the much touted film on sexual harassment which was recently released. In one of the scenes in the film, Maya is making a rehearsal for a possible pitch to a client. At the rehearsal, when Rahul objects to the basic idea of the pitch, Maya stutters and takes a moment before she recovers and defends her idea. This leads to Rahul totally trashing the concept and he walks out of the conference room. Later when Maya approaches Rahul, she says, her idea was good. (idea to achchhaa thaa). Rahul turns around and tells her that he trashed her concept because she could not defend her idea convincingly. He says

 

Achchhe ideas kee laashen bichhee huyeen hain is duniyaa men. Apne idea ko bachaanaa seekho.

अच्छे आइडियाज की लाशें बिछी हुईं हैं इस दुनिया में. अपने आईडिया को बचाना सीखो.

 

Truer words have not been spoken.

Bas dil ko tasalli dene ke liye achchha lafz hai ...Dilli

Film : Tiranga

Year of release : 1992

Spoken by : Shivajirao Wagle (Nana Patekar)

Spoken to : Central Minister Jeevanlal Tandel (Manohar Singh) and DSP (Sujit Kumar)

Dialogue writer : KK Singh

There are so many probes being ordered these days from Delhi, that I remembered this powerful line from a Nana Patekar film. This was a time when Nana was on song. Most of his films sold because of him. 

After a carnage, Minister Jeevanlal tries to assuage a fuming Wagle by saying he will conduct a 'nyaayik jaanch' (a judicial enquiry) from Delhi. When Wagle hears this, he loses his cool and shouts in characteristically cynical Nana style.

"nyaayik jaanch karegi dilli huh! andhi aur behri dilli! yeh dilli bas mu.nh hai isliye paTar paTar kartii rahtii hai - yeh karnaa hai, yeh honaa chaahiye. hame.n dikhaanaa hai. bas dil ko tasalli dene ke liye achchha lafz hai ...dilli..."

"न्यायिक जांच करेगी दिल्ली हह! अन्धी और बहरी दिल्ली! ये दिल्ली बस मुंह है, इसलिये पटर पटर करती रहती है - ये करना है, ये होना चाहिये. हमें दिखाना है. बस दिल को तसल्ली देने के लिये अच्छा लफ़्ज़ है...दिल्ली..."

aap jaise bole.n Biddaa madam

Film : Kahaani

Year of release : 2012

Ritesh Shah dialogue

Spoken by : Mr Das (Nitya Ganguly - Monalisa manager)

Spoken to : Vidya Bagchi (Vidya Roy Kapoor nee Balan)

Dialogue writer : Ritesh Shah

2012 provided so many films for me to enjoy and praise. My friends were starting to believe that I had become a 'negaholic'. This was one of the joys of 2012. The greatness of the film is the casting, whether it is the avuncular hit man or the pregnant protagonist or (as is the case here) the hotel manager. Each one is an actor (not a junior artist), and hence the script is enhanced by the performance.

In this scene Vidya Bagchi drags the policeman along to the hotel where she believed her husband Arnab Bagchi to have stayed. The perplexed hotel manager not quite sure how to react when he learns she has come from London, responds with a classic "Your majesty". The next day morning Vidya finds that there is no hot water in her room (as had been promised) and goes to the front desk to complain. Here is the exchange between her and Mr Das. A true gem.

"good morning your maj...good morning Biddaa madam."

"Biddaa nahee.n vidya v va not ba" "बिद्दा नहीं विद्या व व नॉट ब"

"aap jaise bole.n Biddaa madam" "आप जैसे बोलें बिद्दा मॅडम"

"kamre me.n garam paanii nahee.n aa rahaa" "कमरे में गर्म पानी नहीं आ रहा"

This has now become a classic in my friends circle and family. Note the sweet condescension with which Mr. Das accepts her request, at the same time stubbornly refuses to implement the change suggested. 

Use this prophylactically for healthy relationships!

sirf daulat kamaane se kuchh nahee.n hotaa, aadmii kamaanaa bhii zaroorii hotaa hai

Film : Rakshak

Year of release : 1996

Spoken by : Raghu (Raghuvaran)

Spoken to : Varda Seth (Pramod Moutho)

Dialogue writer : Naeem Ejaz

Raghu to his erstwhile tormentor and then mentor Varda Seth, when he conspires to turn Varda's men against him. He gives him a small lesson in leadership

"sirf daulat kamaane se kuchh nahee.n hotaa vardaa aadmii kamaanaa bhii zaroorii hotaa hai"

"सिर्फ़ दौलत कमाने से कुछ नहीं होता वरदा, आदमी कमाना भी ज़रूरी होता है" 

76 minutes into the film. 

Lekin aap bhii promise keejiye, aap kabhii English nahee.n bolenge

Film : Bol Bachchan

Year of release : 2012

Spoken by : Abbas Ali (Abhishek Bachchan)

Spoken to : Prithviraj Raghuvanshi (Ajay Devgn)

Dialogue writer : Farhad-Sajid

This is Rohit Shetty's most disappointing comedy till date. I found even his Sunday and All the best worthy of repeat viewing. This one was difficult to bear even one time. And he tried to base the premise of this film on Golmaal! The road to hell is paved with good intentions. 

In the climax, a car is dangling precariously on a cliff. Two men are hanging on to the car. Abbas and Prithviraj. Abbas is in greater danger of dropping down into the abyss below. However Prithviraj manages to grab his hand. While they both are precariously hanging, Prithviraj says that though he opposed Abbas, he actually is very proud of him. As his is wont throughout the film, he translates Hindi proverbs into English. So he translates 'merii chhaatii aur bhii chauDee ho gayee hai' as 'My chest has become blouse'. This leads to the educated Abbas coming up with this line. 

"Prithviji, mai.n aaindaa kabhii jhooTh nahee.n boloongaa. Lekin aap bhii promise keejiye, aap kabhii English nahee.n bolenge. Please haa.n, please."

"पृथिवीजी, मैं आइन्दा कभी झूठ नहीं बोलूंगा. लेकिन आप भी प्रॉमिस कीजिये, आप कभी इंग्लिश नहीं बोलेंगे. प्लीज़ हां, प्लीज़."

This line sums up the movie. Abbas tells lies (needlessly) and Prithvi speaks English (needlessly). 

chheenke kaa munh agar khulaa rah jaaye, to kam se kam ghar ke kutte ko yaad rakhnaa chaahiye, ki usme.n mu.nh naa Daale

Film : Souten

Year of release : 1983

Spoken by : Gopal Babu(Shriram Lagoo)

Spoken to : Shaam Mohit (Rajesh Khanna)

Dialogue writer : Kamleshwar

Of course this film is remembered more for Sampat Lal (Prem Chopra)'s pet phrase - "mai.n woh balaa hoo.n jo sheeshe se patthar ko toDtaa hoo.n", but I liked this one too.

Rukmini (Tina Munim) is angry at Gopal for having dared to have entered his room. Shaam protests and says that it was he who invited him in. Gopal pacifies them both with this line;

"sir chheenke kaa munh agar khulaa rah jaaye, to kam se kam ghar ke kutte ko yaad rakhnaa chaahiye, ki usme.n mu.nh naa Daale"

"Sir, छींके का मुंह अगर खुला रह जाये, तो कम से कम घर के कुत्ते को याद रखना चाहिये, कि उसमें मुंह ना डाले"

One of those silly eighties film, which was a big hit (wonder how and why). Interesting turn of phrase, though I cannot think of a situation where you would use this line, but it is a good one to have in your repertoire.

jo jawaan hai uskii himmat kaise TooT saktii hai

Film : Haqeeqat

Year of release : 1964

Spoken by : Major Ranjit Singh (Balraj Sahni)

Spoken to : A member of his team

Dialogue writer : Chetan Anand

Major exhorts his men to continue walking and expresses the hope that there is light at the end of this tunnel. 

"yeh pagDanDee zaroor kisii bastii me.n jaayegii. bas yeh aaKhirii chaDhaaee hai."

His next in command protests,

"sir jawaano.n kee himmat... Toot chukii hai"

Major comes up with this classic line. A great reminder to the youth of today, who I feel give up very easily.

"jo jawaan hai uskii himmat kaise TooT saktii hai"

"जो जवान है उसकी हिम्मत कैसे टूट सकती है"

Sukhilala agar kutta bhi paalega, uske gale me.n sone kee zanjeer Daalegaa

Film : Mother India

Year of release : 1957

Spoken by : Sukhi Lala (Kanhaiya Lal)

Spoken to : Radha (Nargis)

Dialogue writer : Wajahat Mirza, S Ali Raza

After Radha's husband Shamu leaves the village, she has to bear the burden of her large family. The village money lender Sukhilala comes and propositions her. He offers to give back her land, bullocks and waive off the loan, but Radha refuses. She says 

"radha ke daam na lagaao laala, raadha marte dam tak izzat kaa saudaa nahee.n karegii"

She hopes things will become better after the crops are harvested. But the crops and the entire village is devastated in floods. Yet the moneylender comes back to recover his loan 'after the crops'. 

He comes with 'chana' for the kids to eat. Read this great dialogue here.

He again propositions her, she refuses again. After he leaves, her younger son Birju passes out due to exhaustion and hunger.As she is sitting there wondering what to do, a  delirious birju keeps repeating

"lala ke paas bahut khaana hai" 

She can't bear it anymore. She runs to Sukhilala's house.

He welcomes her. 

In a symbolic shot, she wipes the vermilion and tears off the 'mangal sutra' and 'suhaag kaa chooDa' (marital bangles) and begs Sukhilala for food. The look on Kanhaiyyalaal's face is worth a million dollars.

As an aside, there was a telefilm called Vishwas starring Sadashiv Amrapurkar as hero and Priya Tendulkar as heroine. The film was set among tribals in a forest. In a similar situation a young tribal girl goes to the contractor's house and says "Babu mai.n sone aayi". We had a boy called Babu in our class. Oh how we teased him the next day. Those were the days when it was a given that the entire class would have seen the film on Doordarshan, even for a boring telefilm like Vishwaas. 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Sukhi Lala says

"samajh gayaa samajh gayaa.

gale to kyaa paao.n tak sona pahnaaye.nge laala apni radha ko, bhagwaan kripaa se

chintaa na karo rani, dayaalu kaa jo haath pakDegaa woh sadaa sukhee rahegaa. sukhilala agar kutta bhi paalenge, uske gale me.n sone kee zanjeer Daalenge. sone kii. 

"सुखीलाला अगर कुत्ता भी पालेंगे, उसके गले में सोने की ज़ंजीर डालेंगे...सोने की"

He puts a gold chain in her neck as he says the last line. 

This line hit me while I was working for a company that paid a lot of money but sucked the life blood out of you otherwise. :)

sach hotaa kyaa hai. harek kaa apnaa apnaa version hotaa hai sach kaa

Film : Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Year of release : 2011

Spoken by : Salman (Naseeruddin Shah)

Spoken to : Imran (Farhan Akhtar)

Dialogue writer : Farhan Akhtar

Imran learns after his 'father's' death that his biological father is a painter who lives abroad. He obviously has a desire to meet him and ask him why he never tried to contact him all these years. 

He finally meets him in a strange situation, where he calls Salman to bail out his two friends and him after a pub brawl. When they finally get to be alone with each other, Imran asks Salman the question that has been bothering him. 

Salman says that he often wondered that what would he tell him.

'ki tumse kahoongaa kyaa?'

Imran asks him to tell him the truth. (sach kahiye)

Salman sniggers contemptuously and comes up with this gem

"sach hotaa kyaa hai. harek kaa apnaa apnaa version hotaa hai sach kaa"

"सच होता क्या है. हरेक का अपना अपना वर्शन होता है सच का"

To learn more about this gem, watch the Kurosawa classic ;'Rashomon'. 

sochaa! ab sochnaa bhii shuru kar diyaa

Film : Golmaal

Year of release : 1979

Spoken by : Bhawani Shankar (Utpal Dutt)

Spoken to : Kalindi (Shubha Khote)

Dialogue writer : Dr. Rahi Maasoom Raza

I believe they remade this film as Bol Bachchan. Thank goodness neither Hrishida nor Dr Raza is alive. The original of course was a classic with beautifully scripted and delivered lines. This was one of them. This is part of the extremely funny scene where both Bhawani and his sister Kalindi are looking for Lucky (Amol Palekar). Bhawani is armed with a gun and Kalindi has a stout staff in her hand. While they are going around the house looking for Lucky, Kalindi  hits Bhawani on the head with a stout stick thinking that he is Lucky. An angry Bhawani says 

"kalindi ki bachchi yahaa.n kyaa kar rahee hai?"

An embarrassed Kalindi stutters,

"bhaiyyaa maine socha..."

Bhawani interrupts her and shouts

"sochaa! ab sochnaa bhii shuru kar diyaa"

"सोचा! अब सोचना भी शुरु कर दिया"

teri yitini himmat toone hamaare saab ko maaraa

Film : Rakshak

Year of release : 1996

Spoken by : Tanyaa (Ponnaambalam)

Spoken to : Raj's mother (Aruna Irani)

Dialogue writer : Naeem Ejaz

When the innocuous looking Raghu/Raghavan reveals his true colours, Raj's mother and Suman (Karishma Kapoor), whom he considers like his mother and sister, resist his efforts to take a 'file' from the house. An angry mother slaps Raghu. At that point Tanyaa enters the scene with his goons. And says this to his 'saab' (boss) Raghu -

"saab... my ne aapko pahale hee bolaa taa... ye kaam ham par choD do. aap jaaiye. ham file DoonD lenge."

"साब...मईने आपको पअहअले ही बोला ता, ये काम हम पर चोड दो. आप जाईए. हम फ़ाइल डूंड लेंगे"

Once Raghu leaves, Tanyaa walks up to Raj's mother and says menacingly (you could also call it funny because of the strong Tamil accent) -

"teri yitini himmat toone hamaare saab ko maaraa"

"तेरी यितिनी हिम्मत तूने हमारे साब को मारा"

and then slaps her hard. 

This line became a classic with the group of friends with whom I had seen this film. So whenever we had to chastise someone for being too aggressive. We would say 

"terii yitinee himmat"

The charm of the line of course was the 'yitinee'. Without that the line is trite. By the way, the actor who played the role of Tanyaa is Ponnambalam, who recently joined AIADMK. The film Rakshak was copied from the 1994 Tamil film Honest Raj which starred Vijayakant (in Sunil Shetty's role). Vijayakant of course formed his own party DMDK. 

Comes 119 minutes into the film. 

jo insaan aKhlaaq ke daayare se nikal jaaye, use duniyaa kee had se bhii baahar nikal jaanaa chaahiye

Film : Pukar

Year of release : 1939

Spoken by : Jahaangiir (Chandramohan)

Spoken to : A murder accused (Unknown)

Dialogue writer : Syed Ameer Haider 'Kamal' (later known as Kamal Amrohi)

This is the first of the famous historical trilogy made by Sohrab Modi's Minerva Movietone. Set in Jahaangiir's time, the film begins with reference to the Jahaangiir's system of justice. Anyone in his kingdom with a complaint can come and ring the bell hanging at the palace gate. The king would come out and dispense justice.

A man carrying a dead body on his shoulders comes and rings the bell. The person who is being accused of murder is also present with his family. Jahaangiir comes out and asks the man what is the matter. The man says that Jahaangiir immediately comes to a decision and passes judgment thus

"tumne maa badaulat kee riyaayaa ke chain par haath Daalaa? tumne hamaarii hukoomat kee saaKh pe choT kee? tumne ek insaan kaa Khoon kiyaa? tum gardan maar dene ke laayaq ho! jo insaan aKhlaaq ke daayare se nikal jaaye,  use duniyaa kee had se bhii baahar nikal jaanaa chaahiye"

जो इंसान अख़लाक़ के दायरे से निकल जाये, उसे दुनिया की हद से भी बाहर निकल जाना चाहिये.

Any one who moves out of the realm of morality and politeness, should also move out of the realm of existence.He then orders the execution of the accused. With this logic, in one fell swoop Jahaangiir has got rid of the entire population of Delhi (and probably the entire world too, but most certainly Delhi).

When the sentenced man's wife (Jillo) asks the emperor "mere suhaag ne kyaa Khataa kii hai, use kyo.n sazaa mil rahee hai?" (why should my matrimonial life pay the price for this?)

The emperor says

"koii Khataa nahee.n ki, lekin mallaah kee Galati naao.n ke saare musaafiro.n ko le Doobtii hai. jaan ke badle jaan. yahii jahaangiir kaa insaaf hai. taameel ho"

tu kuli hai,kuli hai,kuli hai, KULI HAI

Film : Coolie No 1

Year of release : 1995

Spoken by : Hoshiyar Chand (Kader Khan)

Spoken to : Raju (Govinda)

Dialogue writer : Kader Khan

David Dhawan made his career by remaking Telugu superhits. This was a remake of the 1991 film of the same name - starring Venkatesh and Tabu. The Hindi version is substantially different (though the basic premise is the same). It is more of a comedy and the Telugu version is more of a action comedy drama (typical Telugu Film formula).

This is another dialogue that I use often. It can be used when you want to forcefully reiterate an aspect of your interlocutor's identity - which your interlocutor might be denying. The film is of course hilarious and replete with Kader Khan classics like "ye banglaa hai yaa bangaal". 

Hoshiyar Chand has been tricked into believing that Raju is a rich man's estranged son (Kunwar Mahendra Pratap). He gets his daughter Malti (Karishma Kapoor) married to him hoping that father and son will patch up one day and the property worth crores would eventually come to him (his daughter). However one day he discovers that his son in law is actually a coolie at the state bus stand. He goes to  his daughter's house and tells her the truth. When Raju comes back Hoshiyar Chand and Malti accuse him of being a coolie. Raju reacts with

"मैं कुली का काम करूंगा - कुंवर महेन्द्र प्रताप ?"

Hoshiyar Chand rebuts his assertion with this classic line

"ए तू नाम नहीं लेना कुंवर महेन्द्र प्रताप का. कुंवर गया कुएं में. साला झूठ बोलता है. तू कुली है, कुली है, कुली है कुली है"

"ae too naam nahee.n lenaa kunvar mahendra prataap kaa. kunvar gayaa kue.n me.n. saalaa jhooTh boltaa hai. tu kuli hai, kuli hai, kuli hai KULI HAI"

"

Raju has to handle the situation with another carefully crafted lie. lekin voh qissaa phir kabhii!

Comes after about 1 hour 7 minutes into the film. 

Ye bhi ek daur hai woh bhi ek daur thaa

Film : Daag
Year of release : 1973
Spoken by : Sunil Kohli (Rajesh Khanna)
Spoken to : Audience
Dialogue writer : Akhtar Ul Imaan (for the film) Sahir Ludhianvi (these lines)

One great facet of Rajesh Khanna was his beautifully modulated voice. Here is a beautiful piece recited by him in Daag, which he repeated often at Awards functions.

Aap, aap kya jaane mujhko samajhte.n hai.n kya?
Mai.n to kuchh bhi nahii.n.

आप, आप क्या जाने मुझको समझतें हैं क्या?
मैं तो कुछ भी नहीं

Is qadar pyaar itni baDi bheeD ka mai.n rakhoo.nga kahaa.n?
is qadar pyaar rakhne ke qaabil nahii.n

इस क़दर प्यार इतनी बडी भीड का मैं रखूंगा कहां

इस क़दर प्यार रखने के क़ाबिल नहीं

Mera dil meri jaa.n
mujhko itni mohabbat na do dosto
mujhko itni mohabbat na do dosto
Soch lo dosto
is qadar pyaar kaise sambhaloo.nga mai.n
Mai.n to kuchh bhi nahii.n
मेरा दिल मेरी जां
मुझको इतनी मोहब्बत न दो दोस्तो
मुझको इतनी मोहब्बत न दो दोस्तो

सोच लो दोस्तो

इस क़दर प्यार कैसे सम्भालूंगा मैं

Pyaar .. Pyaar ik shaKhs kaa bhi agar mil sake to baDii cheez hai zindagi ke liye
Aadmi ko magar ye bhi milta nahii.n... ye bhi milta nahii.n.

प्यार ...प्यार इक शख़्स का भी अगर मिल सके तो बडी चीज़ है ज़िन्दगी के लिए

आदमी को मगर ये भी मिलता नहीं...ये भी मिलता नहीं

Mujhko itni mohabbat milii aapse .. Mujhko itni mohabbat milii aapse .. ye mera haq nahii.n merii taqdeer hai
main zamaane ki nazro.n me.n kuchh bhi na tha .. main zamaane ki nazro.n main kuchh bhi na tha
meri aankho.n main ab tak woh tasveer hai.
मुझको इतनी मोहब्बत मिली आपसे...मुझको इतनी मोहब्बत मिली आपसे...ये मेरा हक़ नहीं मेरी तक़दीर है
मैं ज़माने की नज़रों में कुछ भी न था...मैं ज़माने की नज़रों में कुछ भी न था...
Is mohabbat ke badle, mai.n kya nazar doo.n
Mai.n to kuchh bhi nahii.n.
इस मोहब्बत के बदले, मैं क्या नज़र दूं
मैं तो कुछ भी नहीं

Izzate.n shohrate.n chahate.n ulfate.n
koi bhi cheez duniya me.n rahti nahii.n
aaj main hoo.n jahaa.n kal koi aur thaa .. aaj main hoo.n jahaa.n kal koi aur thaa
Ye bhi ek daur hai woh bhi ek daur tha

इज़्ज़तें शोहरतें चाहतें उल्फ़तें

कोई भी चीज़ दुनिया में रहती नहीं

आज मैं हूं जहां कल कोई और था...आज मैं हूं जहां कल कोई और था
ये भी एक दौर है वो भी एक दौर था

Aaj itni mohabbat na do dosto .. Aaj itni mohabbat na do dosto
ki mere kal ki Khatir na kuchh bhi rahe
Aaj ka pyar thoDa bacha kar rakho .. Aaj ka pyar thoDa bacha kar rakho
mere kal ke liye
Kal – kal jo gumnaam hai .. kal jo sunsaan hai .. kal jo anjaan hai ..kal jo veeran hai
आज इतनी मोहब्बत न दो दोस्तो...आज इतनी मोहब्बत न दो दोस्तो...
कि मेरे कल की ख़ातिर न कुछ भी रहे
आज का प्यार थोडा बचा कर रखो..आज का प्यार थोडा बचा कर रखो..
मेरे कल के लिये
कल -- कल जो गुमनाम है...कल जो सुनसान है...कल जो अंजान है...कल जो वीरान है

Mai.n to kuchh bhi nahii.n hoo.n .. Mai.n to kuchh bhi nahii.n
मैं तो कुछ भी नहीं हूं...मैं तो कुछ भी नहीं

aise marz ko jaanne ke lie aalo.n kii nahee.n chand sawaalo.n kii zaroorat hai

Film : Mr. and Mrs. 55

Year of release : 1955

Spoken by : Doctor (C S Dubey)

Spoken to : Johnny (Johnny Walker)

Dialogue writer : Abrar Alvi

Pritam (Guru Dutt) is being examined by the doctor with a stethoscope. The doctor starts shaking his head from side to side in typical Hindi film doctor style. Pritam's friend Johnny asks him

"Doctor saahab aadmii jaayegaa to nahee.n, aapkii ye nalii kyaa boltii hai?

"aise marz ko jaanne ke lie aalo.n kii nahee.n chand sawaalo.n kii zaroorat  hai"

"ऐसे मर्ज़ को जानने के लिए आलों की नहीं चन्द सवालों की ज़रूरत है"

For those of you who do not know Urdu, the word 'aalaa' refers to instrument (a reference to the stethoscope) also used in the phrase 'aalaa-e-qatl' which means 'murder weapon'.

And then he goes on to ask certain questions and comes up with the diagnosis that Pritam suffers from hunger and unemployment. And suggests that the treatment would be two square meals a day. 

It later turns out that this was their (Pritam and Johnny's) ploy to get their  landlady (Uma Devi who later became Tun Tun) to part with some food.

I wish our doctors listened to this advice. Rather than recommending ten thousand rupees tests for everything. There is such a thing as clinical diagnosis!

By the way, the doctor is CS Dubey who later went on to become the lecherous and wily munim in many Hindi movies. 

iskii aatmaa bahut light sleep letii hai, baar baar jaag jaatee hai

Film : Shagird 

Year of release : 2011

Spoken by : Hanumant Singh (Nana Patekar)

Spoken to : Mohit Kumar (Mohit Ahlawat)

Dialogue writer : Tigmanshu Dhulia/Kamal Pandey 

Hanumant has decided to eliminate the crack dealer Ali, since he has become an embarrassment to his political bosses. He traps Ali and then orders Mohit to shoot him. 

Mohit refuses to shoot Ali (Vishwajeet Pradhan). He says "I am not a waiter to take wrong orders".

An exasperated Hanumant responds with this line -

"are yaar iskii aatmaa bahut light sleep letii hai, baar baar jaag jaatee hai"

"अरे यार इसकी आत्मा बहुत लाइट स्लीप लेती है, बार बार जाग जाती है"

aankh jo dekhe dhokhaa khaaye, dil jo andhaa vohii rah batlaaye

Film : Satyam Shivam Sundaram
Year of release : 1978
Spoken by : Roopa (Zeenat Aman)
Spoken to : Ranjiv (Shashi Kapoor)
Dialogue writer : Jainendra Jain


Like always Ranjiv  is chasing Roopa. He had sent her a letter and wants to know if she liked what he had written in the letter. It turns out that the girl he is speaking to is not Roopa and while running away from this other girl - he falls into a ditch. Roopa, who is passing by, sees this and taunts him.

"aankhon ke bharose mat rahna babuji. aankh jo dekhe dhokhaa khaaye, dil jo andhaa vohii raah batlaaye"
"आंख जो देखे धोखा खाये दिल जो अन्धा वोही राह बतलाये"

aadmii to tum shareef ho sirF chaal chalan Kharaab hai

Film : Ek Thi Ladki 

Year of release : 1949

Spoken by : Inspector Hukoomat Rai (Unknown)

Spoken to : Sohan and Mohan (IS Johar and Majnu)

Dialogue writer : IS Johar 

The film is remembered today for the 'lara lappa' song by Lata. But if you want to see a very young IS Johar (possibly his first film), you must watch this. 

Two habitual jailbirds (like Jai and Viru but much more harmless) are released after one such prison term. On their way out, Inspector Hukumat Rai accosts the two jail birds. He asks them if they are going to mend their ways or not. The two say they have given up on bad deeds and would certainly mend their ways. The inspector remarks 

"bhai aadmii to tum shareef ho sirF chaal chalan Kharaab hai"

"भई आदमी तो तुम शरीफ़ हो, सिर्फ़ चाल चलन ख़राब है"

[Rough translation - You are honourable/noble people, it is your behaviour which is bad]

This is classic IS Johar humour (remember this guy invented the 'aaThvaa.n sur' in one movie). He has a way of paying backhanded compliments. This film was of course written by him. 

yaa to dosti gehri hai, yaa ye photo 3D hai

Film : Dil Chaahta Hai

Year of release : 2001

Spoken by : Sameer (Saif Ali Khan)

Spoken to : Pooja (Sonali Kulkarni)

Dialogue writer : Farhan Akhtar

Sameer is against arranged marriages. But his parents have called over a family home and want him to meet the daughter Pooja for a possible alliance. 

His father asks him to take Pooja into his room. Pooja's father also agrees to this proposal. And the both of them land up in Sameer's room. He doesn't know how to deal with her. So he shows her a framed photo featuring him and two of his friends.

"ye aakaash hai aur ye sid."

A polite Pooja responds with 

"gehri dostii lagtii hai"

Sameer responds with a line which has now been established as classic Farhan Akhtar humour. At that time it might have been denounced just as a PJ (a poor joke).

"haa.n yaa to dosti gehri hai, yaa ye photo 3D hai"

"हां, या तो दोस्ती गहरी है, या ये फ़ोटो 3D है"

gehne tuDvaao gehne banvaao, aur kauDiyaa.n khelo, so-o aaraam se

Film : Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam

Year of release : 1962

Spoken by : ChhoTii bahu (Meena Kumari)

Spoken to : ChhoTe babu (Rehman)

Dialogue writer : Abrar Alvi

The classic film based on Bimal Mitra's novel Sahib Bibi Ghulam.

ChhoTii bahu as always is pleading with ChhoTe babu to stay at home. He sniggers and says that he is a Kshatriya man and he needs diversions from time to time, and she cannot offer him what the other girls can. ChhoTii bahu says she is willing to go to any extent and even suggests that he too should give her a new name and keep him like he keeps the other dancing girls. ChhoTe babu gets angry and says that would bring disrepute to their family.

A frustrated ChhoTii bahu asks him,

"to phir  mai.n kyaa karoo.n, tumhee bataao"

"तो फिर मैं क्या करूं, तुम्ही बताओ"

And now comes the riposte.

"wohii... jo baDii bhaabhii aur ma.njhlii bhaabhii kartii hai.n

gehne tuDvaao gehne  banvaao, aur  kauDiyaa.n khelo, so-o aaraam se."

"वोही...जो बडी भाभी और मंझली भाभी करती हैं

गहने तुडवाओ, गहने बनवाओ, और कौडियां खेलो, सोओ आराम से"

This dialogue has since gone onto become a classic.

Comes about 2 hours into the film.

Even today, after years of education and modernity, many housewives in big cities do exactly what ChhoTe Babu suggested. Just replace kauDiyaa.n with the television. 

Dar mat beTaa ye pulis kee vardii me.n pulis hee hai

Film : Paan Singh Tomar

Year of release : 2012

Spoken by : Inspector Rathore (Zakir Hussain)

Spoken to : Kidnapped boy (Unknown)

Dialogue writer : Tigmanshu Dhulia

This is a very good film and if you have not seen it you must.

Paan Singh Tomar has established himself as a famous dacoit, or 'baaGii' as he calls himself. He has now started the profitable activity of kidnapping for ransom. He is in cahoots with the police of many states and sometimes actually carries out assignments on their behalf! On such assignments they actually don the uniforms of the police forces. 

Inspector Rathore is chasing this dreaded dacoit and in one such operation manages to rescue a young boy who has been kidnapped.

He dresses up as a shepherd or goatherd and stops an Ambassador car (suspected to be the vehicle carrying the kidnapped boy) using his goats to block the road. Then he walks up to the car and shoots all the occupants dead. The other policemen come running. They open the 'dickie' or the boot of the car and find the boy trussed up there. The boy sees a lot of policemen and a shepherd standing before him and is very scared and confused. Inspector Rathore is still in mufti. He looks at him and says,

"Dar mat beTaa ye pulis kee vardii me.n pulis hee hai"

"डर मत बेटा ये पुलिस की वर्दी में पुलिस ही है"

By the way, there are lots of instances in metros where thugs wearing police uniforms con senior citizens. So it is always better to make sure by asking for some kind of id. Or making a confirmation call to 100 or 911 or whatever emergency number you call in your country. Nothing is what it seems anymore. 

So you want to try me, hai.n

Film : Return of Jewel Thief

Year of release : 1996

Spoken by : Suryadev Singh (Dharmendra)

Spoken to :  Vinay Kumar (Dev Anand)

Dialogue writer :  Ranbir Pushp

The story idea is credited to Sanjay Nirupam, the famous politician who moved from Shiv Sena to Congress. This film is one of the rare gems of Hindi cinema. Not because it is good, it is not. In fact it is so bad, that it is good. I saw it twice in a theatre (I think there was a distributor's strike or something like that) hence this film had a long run. And I very nearly saw it a third time as well. 

The dialogue and screenplay writer Ranbir Pushp plays a cameo as a DD correspondent. The famous actor Anil Nagrath plays the British High Commissioner. His act is amazing. He sits with his legs splayed wide across on the sofa (like a Karol Bagh businessman) and talks with a fake English accent. It deserves a Lifetime Oscar. Then you have an eighteen-till-I-die Dev Anand, a moribund Ashok Kumar and an ageing but aggressive Dharmendra. And while the 'kutte mai.n teraa Khoon pee jaaoo.ngaa' or 'ek ek ko chun chu ke maaroo.ngaa' will always be more famous, this is an undiscovered Dharmendra gem. You have to see this film to understand what I mean. 

Back at the ranch, Dharmendra plays a commissioner of the police (Suryadev Singh) who wears fatigues most of the time and travels in helicopters and whose life's mission is to kill all jewel thiefs. He is also the personal security in charge of the Kohe-noor diamond. 

By the way, the negotiations for bringing the Kohe Noor for display in India are handled by a state's Chief Minister, the British High Commissioner and Vinay Kumar (a private collector who was once accused of being a jewel thief). And the commissioner of police  is appointed as security in charge. This film has many such gems. Sadashiv Amrapurkar plays Jukaso (an international jewel thief) who is convicted by the court. Now he has made an elaborate plan to escape. Listen to it. His men are waiting outside the court. He is being led out of the courtroom by the police and he is escorted by his lawyer. He feigns a stomach ache and asks to be taken to the bathroom. A reluctant inspector finally relents. He checks the bathroom into which Jukaso has to go. Then allows Jukaso to go in. Jukaso goes in. The inspector shuts the door (wonder why!). Suddenly the door opens and Jukaso pushes the inspector and runs. Such plans could be made by a 3 year old, but an international jewel thief! And there is not an iota of exaggeration in what I have written.

I get very emotional about this film, so pardon the long post. 

Getting back to the ranch again, Suryadev Singh is being accused by Vinay Kumar of having stolen the Kohe Noor. Vinay says that Suryadev is the son of the famous jewel thief Prince Arjun (Ashok Kumar) and...

"aur isne saabit kar diyaa hai ki he's also a jewel thief...a jewel thief!"

"और इसने साबित कर दिया है कि ही इज़ ऑल्सो अ जूल थीफ़...अ जूल थीफ़!"

And guess what the commissioner says to this unfair accusation. Yes you guessed it. 

"So you want to try me, hai.n?"

"सो यू वॉंट टु ट्रई मी, हैं?" 

It is accompanied by crashing of the right fist into the open left palm a couple of times in a minatory manner. 

Dharmendra also speaks English at other points in the film, and though those moments are also droll, this one is unparalleled. 

For example immediately after this line, Vinay Kumar taunts him saying that the son is a bigger jewel thief than the father and that he has stolen the Kohe Noor. As if on cue, Suryadev provides the English translation of the dialogue that made him famous.

"I'll kill you, I'll kill you bastard."

This scene comes around 1 hour 40 minutes into the film. You can watch the entire film or fast forward to this location. Worth it!

By the way, one of the criteria for my putting a dialogue on my blog is how often it can be used in real life. This is the one I have used the most number of times - to my boss, to my peers, to my competitors, to my parents. The 'hai.n' at the end saves me from any possible recriminations or repercussions. So next time someone challenges you, go ahead and tell them

"So you want to try me, hai.n?"

Do not forget to crash your right fist into your open left palm a couple of times while saying this. That is essential too. 

jii mai.n maange ke kapDo.n me.n hameshaa achchhii lagtii hoo.n

Film : Seeta aur Geeta

Year of release : 1972

Spoken by : Geeta (Hema Malini)

Spoken to : Ravi's mother (Ratnamala) 

Dialogue writer : Salim-Javed

Another Salim-Javed gem. Makes it a Salim Javed double bill so to speak. This is the female version of Ram aur Shyam and the confident sister - Geeta is now with Ravi. Ravi had earlier gone to meet Seeta (literally the poor cousin) and her family in connection with a possible alliance and had come back disappointed. He now believes Geeta is the same girl. And takes her home. Geeta is wearing a gypsy dress and hence he asks her to wear something more appropriate -  from his sister's wardrobe. She emerges looking stunning. Ravi tells his parents that  what they saw the other day was a charade and Seeta's guardians actually mistreat her.  The parents are shocked and obviously approve of Seeta's (Geeta's) new look. Ravi's mother (Ratnamala) says

"main to kehtii hoo.n, mujhe to nafrat ho gayee hai un logo.n se. us din kis huliye me.n ise hamaare saamane laaye the.aur aaj dekho, kaisee achchhee lagtee hai. "

"मैं तो कहती हूं, मुझे तो नफ़रत हो गयी है उन लोगों से. उस दिन किस हुलिये में इसे हमारे सामने लाये थे. और आज देखो, कैसी अच्छी लगती है."

Different people respond in different ways to compliments. And Geeta responds with this good natured and rather naive remark,

"jii mai.n maange ke kapDo.n me.n hameshaa achchhii lagtii hoo.n"

"जी मैं मांगे के कपडों में हमेशा अच्छी लगती हूं"

So if you are used to borrowing clothes, you can use this line. I can't. Nobody in this world is my size!

bataane se baat hee paraayee hotee hai babuji, paraaye apne nahee.n ho jaate

Film : Satyam Shivam Sundaram

Year of release : 1978

Spoken by : Roopa (Zeenat Aman)

Spoken to : Ranjeev (Shashi Kapoor)

Dialogue writer : Jainendra Jain

A film about beauty and how it is perceived. Ranjeev dislikes ugliness of every sort. So much so that when his BaDe Babu (David) shows him his reflection in a funny mirror (which distorts the reflection), he recoils in horror. Roopa is an otherwise beautiful girl with a figure to die for, but one side of her face is scarred. She however presents (initially due to a coincidence and later by design) only her left profile, which leads him to believe that she is beautiful. But like with all Indian heroines, moral pangs catch up with her and this scene features her in the temple in a moral quandary about keeping her scarred face from Babuji (Shashi Kapoor). Ranjeev comes in to the temple at that moment and sees her crying. He asks her,

"kyaa baat hai"

She says

"kuchh nahee.n"

He persists

"Roopa kyaa baat hai, bataaogii nahee.n mujhe"

She comes up with this line.

"bataane se baat hee paraayee hotee hai babuji, paraaye apne nahee.n ho jaate. jaane deejiye mujhe"

"बताने से बात ही पराई होती है बाबूजी, पराये अपने नहीं हो जाते. जाने दीजिये मुझे"

This dialogue has been suggested by the same man who inspired the creation of this blog. He has never been able to convince me that this is a great line. But has gamely tried for over 3 years now. I have finally deferred to his wish. 

Please do let me know, if you like this line. It essentially suggests - to quote my friend "99% of the people do not listen to your woes with an effort to empathise. They just listen for the fun of it. And hence you should be careful while sharing your sorrows with others - no matter how sympathetic they might seem."

As Mr KhanKhaana's doha goes

रहिमन निज मन की ब्यथा मन ही राखो गोय
सुनि अठिलैहें लोग सब, बांटि ना लै है कोय

My friend also deserves an award for noting a dialogue of Zeenat Aman from SSS. Most other men were too busy elsewhere. 

Comes at around 1 hour 15 minutes into the movie. 

tumhaare fatehpur me.n jo doodh rupaye kaa bees ser miltaa hai, jaante ho yahaa.n kitnaa milegaa

Film : Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam

Year of release : 1962

Spoken by : Master Babu (Krishan Dhawan)

Spoken to : Bhootnaath (Guru Dutt)

Dialogue writer : Abrar Alvi

Another round of increase in milk prices today, reminds me of this line and hence this unplanned post. There is nothing fantastic about this line in terms of language or delivery. But the content is certainly fantastic, when seen from the prism of 2012.  Probably 50 years hence, another blog reader would die reading this post. Probably someone might die even now. 

Bhootnath or Atulya Chatterjee has come from Fatehpur village in Nadia district to the big bad city of Kolkata. He comes to stay in the house of his 'mu.nhbola' jija or so-called brother in law i.e. Master Babu. Bhootnath expresses surprise over how everything is so big in the big city. 

"dada re dada, itte baDe baDe makaan hai.n yahaa.n - itte baDe baDe makaan. ki hamree to gardan hee ainTh gaee"

"दादा रे दादा, इत्ते बडे बडे मकान हैं यहां - इत्ते बडे बडे मकान. कि हमरी तो गर्दन ही ऐंठ गई"

Master Babu responds with 

"yahaa.n kii har baat baDee hai bhaiyya, makaan baDe, log baDe, naam baDe, daam bhee baDe. tumhaare fatehpur me.n jo doodh rupaye kaa bees ser miltaa hai, jaante ho yahaa.n kitnaa milegaa? gyaarah ser"

"यहां की हर बात बडी है भैय्या, मकान बडे, लोग बडे, नाम बडे, दाम भी बडे. तुम्हारे फ़तेहपुर में जो दूध रुपए का बीस सेर मिलता है, जानते हो यहां कितना मिलेगा? ग्यारह सेर"

All Bhootnath can manage is a bewildered monosyllable 

"sirf!"

I could not manage even that. 

A 'ser' is roughly equivalent to 1 kilogram. 1 kilogram is slightly less than 1 litre. So the equation here is close to 20 litres of milk for one rupee! That was the price in the village. The big bad city turned the equation into 11 litres of milk for one rupee. The current rate in Delhi is Rs 33. And today it goes up to Rs 35 per litre. That is a sustained rate of 12.65% compounded per annum over half a century. Forget property, forget stocks, forget gold. The thing you should invest is in milk. :)

Also reminds me of the other line by GhaDii Babu - ghaDii bhramnaashinii hai. Time can get rid of the worst presumptions and confusion.