koi chaar sau biisii kaa dhandaa hii sikhaa dete to aaj ham naa moTor me.n ghumaate usko

Film : Pyaasa

Year of release : 1957

Spoken by : Abdus Sattaar (Johnny Walker)

Spoken to : God 

Dialogue writer : Abrar Alvi

Abdul is trying to woo Juhi (Kum Kum) in a park. She however rebuffs him and says, she is waiting for a 'motor waalaa' - a car owner. 

A disappointed Abdul tries gamely to convince Juhi to settle for a 'maalishwaalaa' - a masseur. He fails as Juhi walks away with 

"chal haT muye"

He turns to god and remarks

"sunaa tumne ...hunar bhii diyaa to tel maalish. koi chaar sau biisii kaa dhandaa hii sikhaa dete

to aaj ham naa moTor me.n ghumaate usko"

"सुना तुमने...हुनर भी दिया तो तेल मालिश...चार सौ बीसी का धंदा ही सिखा देते, तो आज हम ना मोटर में घुमाते उसको" 

Just then a coconut drops on his head. 

"oh..mar gaye. aapki taareef. naariyal. samajh gayaa... ab nahiin boloongaa"

Why I found this dialogue interesting is that half a century ago, the common people believed (and Abrar just gave a voice to that belief), that anyone who drives a motor car is a crook. Half a century later many honest people in India drive motor cars. So this line might not be acceptable to most people. But even today, you would find that all crooks have motor cars, but all honest people don't. 

So I can understand the climate of opinion that existed half a century ago. 

Abrar Alvi, I doff my hat to you. Pyaasa makes a debut on this blog. 

aise marz ko jaanne ke lie aalo.n kii nahee.n chand sawaalo.n kii zaroorat hai

Film : Mr. and Mrs. 55

Year of release : 1955

Spoken by : Doctor (C S Dubey)

Spoken to : Johnny (Johnny Walker)

Dialogue writer : Abrar Alvi

Pritam (Guru Dutt) is being examined by the doctor with a stethoscope. The doctor starts shaking his head from side to side in typical Hindi film doctor style. Pritam's friend Johnny asks him

"Doctor saahab aadmii jaayegaa to nahee.n, aapkii ye nalii kyaa boltii hai?

"aise marz ko jaanne ke lie aalo.n kii nahee.n chand sawaalo.n kii zaroorat  hai"

"ऐसे मर्ज़ को जानने के लिए आलों की नहीं चन्द सवालों की ज़रूरत है"

For those of you who do not know Urdu, the word 'aalaa' refers to instrument (a reference to the stethoscope) also used in the phrase 'aalaa-e-qatl' which means 'murder weapon'.

And then he goes on to ask certain questions and comes up with the diagnosis that Pritam suffers from hunger and unemployment. And suggests that the treatment would be two square meals a day. 

It later turns out that this was their (Pritam and Johnny's) ploy to get their  landlady (Uma Devi who later became Tun Tun) to part with some food.

I wish our doctors listened to this advice. Rather than recommending ten thousand rupees tests for everything. There is such a thing as clinical diagnosis!

By the way, the doctor is CS Dubey who later went on to become the lecherous and wily munim in many Hindi movies. 

gehne tuDvaao gehne banvaao, aur kauDiyaa.n khelo, so-o aaraam se

Film : Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam

Year of release : 1962

Spoken by : ChhoTii bahu (Meena Kumari)

Spoken to : ChhoTe babu (Rehman)

Dialogue writer : Abrar Alvi

The classic film based on Bimal Mitra's novel Sahib Bibi Ghulam.

ChhoTii bahu as always is pleading with ChhoTe babu to stay at home. He sniggers and says that he is a Kshatriya man and he needs diversions from time to time, and she cannot offer him what the other girls can. ChhoTii bahu says she is willing to go to any extent and even suggests that he too should give her a new name and keep him like he keeps the other dancing girls. ChhoTe babu gets angry and says that would bring disrepute to their family.

A frustrated ChhoTii bahu asks him,

"to phir  mai.n kyaa karoo.n, tumhee bataao"

"तो फिर मैं क्या करूं, तुम्ही बताओ"

And now comes the riposte.

"wohii... jo baDii bhaabhii aur ma.njhlii bhaabhii kartii hai.n

gehne tuDvaao gehne  banvaao, aur  kauDiyaa.n khelo, so-o aaraam se."

"वोही...जो बडी भाभी और मंझली भाभी करती हैं

गहने तुडवाओ, गहने बनवाओ, और कौडियां खेलो, सोओ आराम से"

This dialogue has since gone onto become a classic.

Comes about 2 hours into the film.

Even today, after years of education and modernity, many housewives in big cities do exactly what ChhoTe Babu suggested. Just replace kauDiyaa.n with the television. 

tumhaare fatehpur me.n jo doodh rupaye kaa bees ser miltaa hai, jaante ho yahaa.n kitnaa milegaa

Film : Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam

Year of release : 1962

Spoken by : Master Babu (Krishan Dhawan)

Spoken to : Bhootnaath (Guru Dutt)

Dialogue writer : Abrar Alvi

Another round of increase in milk prices today, reminds me of this line and hence this unplanned post. There is nothing fantastic about this line in terms of language or delivery. But the content is certainly fantastic, when seen from the prism of 2012.  Probably 50 years hence, another blog reader would die reading this post. Probably someone might die even now. 

Bhootnath or Atulya Chatterjee has come from Fatehpur village in Nadia district to the big bad city of Kolkata. He comes to stay in the house of his 'mu.nhbola' jija or so-called brother in law i.e. Master Babu. Bhootnath expresses surprise over how everything is so big in the big city. 

"dada re dada, itte baDe baDe makaan hai.n yahaa.n - itte baDe baDe makaan. ki hamree to gardan hee ainTh gaee"

"दादा रे दादा, इत्ते बडे बडे मकान हैं यहां - इत्ते बडे बडे मकान. कि हमरी तो गर्दन ही ऐंठ गई"

Master Babu responds with 

"yahaa.n kii har baat baDee hai bhaiyya, makaan baDe, log baDe, naam baDe, daam bhee baDe. tumhaare fatehpur me.n jo doodh rupaye kaa bees ser miltaa hai, jaante ho yahaa.n kitnaa milegaa? gyaarah ser"

"यहां की हर बात बडी है भैय्या, मकान बडे, लोग बडे, नाम बडे, दाम भी बडे. तुम्हारे फ़तेहपुर में जो दूध रुपए का बीस सेर मिलता है, जानते हो यहां कितना मिलेगा? ग्यारह सेर"

All Bhootnath can manage is a bewildered monosyllable 

"sirf!"

I could not manage even that. 

A 'ser' is roughly equivalent to 1 kilogram. 1 kilogram is slightly less than 1 litre. So the equation here is close to 20 litres of milk for one rupee! That was the price in the village. The big bad city turned the equation into 11 litres of milk for one rupee. The current rate in Delhi is Rs 33. And today it goes up to Rs 35 per litre. That is a sustained rate of 12.65% compounded per annum over half a century. Forget property, forget stocks, forget gold. The thing you should invest is in milk. :)

Also reminds me of the other line by GhaDii Babu - ghaDii bhramnaashinii hai. Time can get rid of the worst presumptions and confusion. 

lekin woh qissaa phir kabhii

Film : Manoranjan

Year of release : 1974

Spoken by : Dhoop Chhaon (Shammi Kapoor)

Spoken to : Train Passenger (MacMohan)

Dialogue writer : Abrar Alvi

Shammi Kapoor's directorial debut was a bold Indian version of Billy Wilder's 1963 classic Irma la Douce. Even this line is Abrar Alvi's Indianisation of Moustache's (Lou Jacobi) line - "But that's another story"

Dhoop Chhaon is a bartender who is travelling by train. He invites his co passengers Macmohan and a Parsi gentleman (on honemoon) to join him for a drink. And then starts talking about a street in Bombay called Manoranjan Street. After he has them hooked with the build up about the place, he very cleverly withdraws by saying

"lekin woh qissaa phir kabhee"

"लेकिन वो क़िस्सा फिर कभी"

Macmohan protests out loud with

"phir kabhii kyon saahab abhi sunaaiye, kyaa baat hai"

The Parsi gentleman also joins in and demands that the story be told. That's how the film starts. 

This line is repeated often in the film. When Ratan (Sanjeev Kumar) gets the idea of becoming his own double to get Nisha (Zeenat Aman) rid of her profession, Dhoop Chhaon says he too had done this earlier, when he had taken the agency of Bhimsaini oil and had picked up his own stock from the market in order to create demand. Just as he is about to launch into the full version, Ratan interrupts

'woh qissaa phir kabhee"
"वो क़िस्सा फिर कभी"

In another instance, Thingoo (Paintal) comes and asks Dhoop Chhaon why he is shooting darts so late. Dhoop Chhaon says that because it is Independence Day. A surprised Tingoo says it is 4th September not 15th August. Dhoopu says that was the day his dad died. And quickly adds

'lekin woh qissaa phir kabhee'

In another instance he tells Ratans he had once robbed a bank in Patna, a bank which belonged to his dad. And quickly adds

'lekin woh qissaa phir kabhee'

In another instance when Nisha protests that Dhoopu can't get her married to Nawab because he is not a real priest, he says that he has conducted many marriages ranging from king's marriages to their dog's marriages. He quickly adds

'lekin woh qissaa phir kabhee'