baap ka joota agar bachche ke paaon mein aa jaaye to phir vo bachcha nahin reh jaata pitaa ji

 Film: Desh Premee

Year of release: 1982

Spoken by: Raju (younger Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to: Master Dinanath (elder Amitabh Bachchan)

Dialogue writer: Kader Khan

The four goons of the "basti" (group of shanties) where Amitabh lives assault him. He fights back. Just then his father appears and realises that his son is also involved in illegal things. They get into an argument and thats when the younger Amitabh says

"baap ka joota agar bachche ke paaon mein aa jaaye to phir vo bachcha nahin reh jaata pitaa ji"

Appears 1 hr 36 minutes into the film

https://youtu.be/znTmaHW8PPg?t=5804

jo bhagvaan mein vishwaas rakhte hain, unka yeh zaraa Dhiilaa hotaa hai

 Film: Jyoti

Year of release: 1969

Spoken by: Nirmal (Sanjeev Kumar)

Spoken to: Radha (Nivedita)

Dialogue writer: BR Ishaara

A dutiful wife Radha takes a hot cup of tea to get her husband out of bed. This is the exchange between them. 

Nirmal: achchhaa ek baat bataao Raadhaa, tumhen itnii subah ThanDe paani mein nahaane mein takleef nahiin hotii? 

Raadhaa: arre vaah! binaa nahaaye bhi koi bhagvaan ki poojaa kartaa hai?

Nirmal: isiliye to main kehtaa hoon

Raadhaa: kyaa?

Nirmal: ke jo bhagvaan mein vishwaas rakhte hain, unka yeh (pointing to head) zaraa Dhiilaa hotaa hai.

In this film an extremely religious woman is married to an atheist. From there the story progresses. It has that beautiful Lata Manna duet Soch ke  ye gagan jhoome. 

Dare huye log aksar alfaazon ke peechhe chhupte hain

Film: Ae dil hai mushkil

Year of release: 2016

Spoken by: Tahir (Shahrukh Khan)

Spoken to: Ayaan (Ranbir Kapoor)

Dialogue writer: Karan Johar and Niranjan Iyengar

In one of his delightful cameos SRK, waltz in onto the duo of Ranbir and Aish and starts mouthing fabulous line. A sarcastic Ranbir asks SRK, do you write these lines and learn by heart? SRK says they are spontaneous utterances. Then pauses and utters this gem

Dare huye log, aksar alfaazon ke peechhe chhupte hain

डरे हुए लोग, अक्सर अल्फ़ाज़ों के पीछे छुपते हैं 

(scared people often hide behind words)

Rana qarz aur farz donon ko...ek hi nazar se nibhaataa hai

Film : Marte Dam Tak

Year of release : 1987

Spoken by : Rana (Raaj Kumar)

Spoken to : Jyoti Dayal (Farha Naaz)

Dialogue writer : K K Singh

Rana wants to kidnap his rival gang lord DK's brother Shakti Kapoor. He decides to use the honeytrap for this, since Shakti is fond of beautiful women. Jai (Govinda) suggests that his girl friend Jyoti be used for this purpose (what a cad!). Rana agrees, though with some reservations.

Once the job is done, Rana turns to Jyoti and says,

"ab hum...tumhaare qarzdaar hai.n laDkii. aur yaad rahe... Rana qarz aur farz donon ko...ek hi nazar se nibhaataa hai".
"अब हम...तुम्हारे क़र्ज़दार हैं लड़की. और याद रहे... राणा क़र्ज़ और फ़र्ज़ दोनों को...एक ही नज़र से निभाता है."

Wish Indian industrialists learn something from Rana!

Sir, yeh to TaTTii hai

Film: Delhi Belly

Year of release: 2011

Spoken by: Brajesh (Pradeep Kabra)

Spoken to: Somayaajulu or Cowboy (Vijay Raaz)

Dialogue writer: Akshat Verma 

Some lines are innocuous. But they take on a life of their own. Like 'Kitney Aadmi the' or 'Itna sannaaTa kyon hai bhai' or 'Teja main hoon mark idhar hai'. These lines are meaningless otherwise. This line is another such line which has become the subject of countless memes. A great example of talking truth to power. Cowboy (what a great name for a Don) is a tough don and has just discovered that he has been duped. A box of shit has been delivered to him instead of expensive diamonds. As the shit lays strewn over the expensive black cloth that had been laid for the diamonds, his close aide Brajesh decides to 'talk truth to power'. He decides that even the obvious needs calling out. Like the child who called out the naked Emperor. He conspiratorially whispers into Cowboy's ear,

"Sir, ye to TaTTii hai"

"सर, ये तो टट्टी है"

A frustrated Cowboy responds derisively with 

"Thank you...paeN ch**"

Interestingly when the film was remade into Tamil, the don was played by Nasser, but the don's sidekick remained the same - Pradeep Kabra. I guess they liked him so much. And of course, when it was dubbed into Telugu as Crazy, Pradeep Kabra is there as well. 

Rana ki shatranj ka ghoRaa, aRhaai chaal nahii.n chaltaa, seedhe raajaa ko maartaa hai

Film : Marte Dam Tak

Year of release : 1987

Spoken by : Rana (Raaj Kumar)

Spoken to : Gang members (Unknown)

Dialogue writer : K K Singh

DK (Om Puri) diverts a consignment of contraband that belongs to Rana. When Rana gets to hear the news, he grows angry and says,

"shaayad... DK jaantaa nahiin ki Rana ki shatranj ka ghoRaa, aRhaai chaal nahii.n chaltaa, seedhe raajaa ko maartaa hai"

"शायद...डी के जानता  नहीं कि राणा की शतरंज का घोड़ा, अढ़ाई चाल नहीं चलता, सीधे राजा को मारता है"

This is one level higher than this action, described elsewhere on this blog. 

Ye writer log yaa to baDe sanki hote hain, yaa baDe romantic ho jaate hain

 Film: Khamoshi

Year of release: 1969

Spoken by: Dr Colonel Saab (Nazir Hussain)

Spoken to: Nurse Radha (Waheeda Rehman)

Dialogue writer: Gulzar

This film was based on a Bangla short story called Nurse Mitra. It was a remake of Asit Sen's 1959 Bangla film Deep Jwele Jaaye. Suchitra Sen played the nurse in that. Savitri reprised that role in the Telugu remake Chivaraku MigilEdi (1960). Although Aradhana takes credit for having made Kishore the voice of Rajesh Khanna, Hemant Kumar revealed in an interview that Khamoshi should get that honour. The film was almost 3 years in the making, hence it released after Aradhana. What a lovely song that was! Woh shaam kuchh ajeeb thi. 

Nazir Hussain plays the head of the National Psychoanalytical Clinic in this film. He uses the affection of nurse Radha to cure patients suffering from acute mania. It works wonders with the patient Dev (Dharmendra). So he takes on another such patient Arun (Rajesh Khanna). While introducing the case history of Arun to Nurse Radha, Dr Saab says that Arun's case is quite similar to Dev's, but a key difference was that Arun was quite fond of writing plays, novels and poems. He quips that because of that, Nurse Radha should be careful with him. 

"Ye writer log yaa to baDe sanki hote hain, yaa baDe romantic ho jaate hain"

"ये राइटर लोग या तो बड़े सनकी होते हैं, या बड़े रोमांटिक हो जाते हैं" 

Gulzar taking pot shots at himself! 

naalaayaq, adharmi, duraachaari, vaamaachaari, bhrashTaachaari, bol sorry

Film: Jaane bhi do yaaro

Year of release: 1983

Spoken by: Tarneja (Pankaj Kapoor)

Spoken to: Ahuja (Om Puri)

Dialogue writer: Ranjit Kapoor and Satish Kaushik 

First, a rant. It is not jaane bhi do yaaron, it's jaane bhi do yaaro. There is no 'n' at the end. That done, back to the ranch. 

This film was of course a cult classic and the Mahabharat scene has probably given the country many meme worthy lines. I would not have put this line up if I had not recently seen a meme using this line wrongly. 

Then I searched for other sources. All of them were using the same version. Instead of vaamaachaari, they were all saying maamaachaari. Probably they thought they were all Iyengar names, so how does it matter. But the correct word is vaamaachaari. Vaamaachaar or left ritual is part of Tantra, where things like maamsa, madya, maithuna, matsya and mudra are indulged in. So many people consider it unacceptable. Hence the dialogue.

This line works beautifully when you are among friends and have to ask one of them to apologise. Of course, they will all laugh. Half of the people these days won't even know what all these words mean (except Naalaayaq). Of course if you haven't seen the Mahabharata scene, do see it. 

"नालायक़, अधर्मी, दुराचारी, वामाचारी, भ्रष्टाचारी, बोल सॉरी"

ye jo LOVE hai naa, LOVE, yeh, sirf, marvaataa hai

 Film: Lafangey Parindey

Year of release: 2010

Spoken by: Usmaan Bhai (Piyush Mishra)

Spoken to: Qasim (Kali Prasad Mukherjee)

Dialogue writer: Gopi Puthran

Usmaan senses that he is losing his sway over his pet boxer Nandu (Neil Nitin Mukesh). Hence he tells Qasim to ask the boxer from Vasai (Max) to meet him. Qasim protests, saying that Nandu had already defeated that boxer twice. 

"ab achchhaa hi hai. Gussaa aadmi se bahut kuchh karvaataa hai Qasim, aur...ye jo LOVE hai naa, LOVE, yeh, sirf, marvaataa hai".

"अब अच्छा ही है. ग़ुस्सा आदमी से बहुत कुछ करवाता है क़ासिम, और...ये जो लव है ना, लव, ये, सिर्फ़ मरवाता है."

 

ise kehte hain gangaajal mein gangaa poojaa

Film: Naram Garam

Year of release: 1981

Spoken by: Vishnuprasad (AK Hangal)

Spoken to: Bhawani Shankar Bajpai (Utpal Dutt)

Dialogue writer: Dr Rahi Masoom Raza

Bhawani Shankar goes to his village house to evict the Father-daughter duo who are illegally occupying his house. Vishnuprasad comes out to greet him and welcome him. 

Bhawani Shankar asks him to leave immediately. Vishnuprasad agrees but says, 

"aap mehmaan hain, mehmaan ka svaagat karnaa hamaara dharm hai. hamen apnaa dharm to nibhaa lene dijiye. aap baiThiye to sahi."

"main bhi kyaa, aapka makaan aur aap hi ko baiThne ke liye keh rahaa hoon. Ise kehte hain gangaajal mein gangaa poojaa."

"मैं भी क्या, आपका मकान और आप ही को बैठने के लिए कह रहा हूँ. इसे कहते हैं गंगाजल में गंगा पूजा"

1 hr 32 min into the film. 

Aap apnaa janeoo Dhak leejiye

Film : Hera Pheri 

Year of release : 1976 

Spoken by : Ajay (Vinod Khanna) 

Spoken to : Asha Khanna (SulakshaNa PanDit)

Dialogue writer: Satish Bhatnagar

Ajay saves Asha from some goons who are trying to molest her. He manages to scare them off. However, the goons have torn Asha's clothes. And the audience and Ajay can see the fat ugly bra strap that was common in the 1970s. But the line that Ajay delivers has to go down as a classic. He says

"aap apnaa janeoo Dhak leejiye" 

आप अपना जनेऊ ढक लीजिये" 

Whenever I am faced with such a situation, I cannot but help remember this line. Whether I use it or not depends on how well I know the person in question. But the line crops up nonetheless and brings a smile to the face.

apni zid aur apne zameer ko chhoD kar, baaqii sab kuchh bech diyaa

Film: Agar Tum na Hote

Year of release: 1983

Spoken by: Raj Bedi (Raj Babbar)

Spoken to: Ashok Mehra (Rajesh Khanna)

Dialogue writer: Ramesh Pant

Ashok Mehra is launching a range of cosmetics and hires a well-known photographer Raj Bedi for a total contract value of Rs 2.5 lacs. However Raj falls in love with his model Radha (Rekha) and decides that he cannot allow anyone to even see the photos that he has shot, let alone hand them over. This leads to the client (Ashok Mehra) threatening to file a police case. Raj lands up at Ashok's office with a briefcase. Ashok thinks he has buckled in and is handing over the photos and transparencies. But Raj reveals that the briefcase contains Rs 2.5 lacs in cash, which indemnifies the client in full from any possible loss. A surprised Ashok asks Raj,

"kyaa ham aapse poochh sakte hain ki aapne itni baDi raqam kaa intizaam, itni jaldi kaise kiyaa?"

After Munnabhai MBBS, any question that begins with "kya main poochh saktaa huun..." can have only one answer. "Nahiin".

But jokes apart, Raj retorts with this classic Ramesh Pant line. 

"apni zid aur apne zameer ko chhoD kar, baaqii sab kuchh bech diyaa"

"अपनी  ज़िद और अपने ज़मीर को छोड़ कर, बाक़ी सब कुछ बेच दिया"

You can watch this scene here.

ek age ke baad, DaanT khaane ki capacity kam ho jaati hai

 Film: The Accidental Prime Minister    

Year of release: 2019

Spoken by: Anupam Kher (Dr Manmohan Singh)

Spoken to: Akshaye Khanna (Sanjaya Baru)

Dialogue writer: Mayank Tewari (and 4 others)

This film will be always be a dark spot on Anupam Kher. Though he has gone over the top in some films, he has generally been a competent actor. In this film, in his desire to please certain people, he tries so hard to look stupid and spineless, that he really destroys the film single handedly. Many have categorised this film as pure propaganda. I think the film is better than that and even if they took a rookie actor from some wannabe acting school to play Dr MMS and remade the film - it will be a far better film. It's still not as bad as it was made out to be. Unfortunately the main actor completely misses the plot. However this dialogue resonates with me. As I grow older, I completely agree with it. Hence it needs a place on my blog. 

Although there is a disclaimer at the beginning that this is a fictionalised account and bears no resemblance to any real characters, I fail to understand what that means, when the characters are called Sonia Gandhi, P Chidambaram, Sanjaya Baru, Atal Bihari Vajpayee and Dr Manmohan Singh. But I will also play along and assume no such real characters exist. So a certain minister called Jairam Ramesh supposedly leaks a letter written by someone called Sonia Gandhi. An irate Prime Minister calls Jairam and remonstrates with him. He also warns him not to repeat it. As Jairam leaves, Sanjaya enters. Sanjaya asks,

"Sir, Jairam kaafi upset lag rahe the?"

Dr Manmohan Singh answers,

"ek age ke baad, DaanT khaane ki capacity kam ho jaati hai"

What a lovely insight! Delivered unfortunately in a lousy way by an otherwise competent actor. Such a tragedy. Just imagine how an Irrfan or Nawaaz would have delivered it. Or Anupam's current bete noire Naseer!

Arre pagle, agar laqeer kheenchne se mulk ban sakte hain, to kyaa kamre nahin ban sakte?

 Film: Biradari

Year of release: 1966

Spoken by: Seema's mom and landlady (Lalita Pawar)    

Spoken to: Rajan (Shashi Kapoor)

Dialogue writer: Krishan Chander

Shashi Kapoor meets Seema (Faryal) on his train journey to Bombay. She promises to get him a room on rent. When he reaches the address given to him, he meets Seema's mom i.e. Lalita Pawar (the landlady). She shows him a room which is demarcated as a room merely by lines on the floor. So a large hall has four such markings (and hence four such rooms). A surprised Shashi Kapoor asks;

"kyaa laqeer khench dene se kamre ban jaate hain?"

Lalita Pawar chuckles and comes up with the headlined riposte;

"Arre pagle, agar laqeer kheenchne se mulk ban sakte hain, to kyaa kamre nahin ban sakte?"

"अरे पगले, अगर लकीर खींचने से मुल्क बन सकते हैं, तो क्या कमरे नहीं बन सकते?"

maanta huun teri pasand ko, maska hai maskaa, ek dum jhakaas

Film: Yudh

Year of release: 1985

Spoken by: Junior (Anil Kapoor)

Spoken to: Chenoy (Danny Denzongpa)

Dialogue writer: Naeem Shah

Junior does heists for Chenoy. When he returns from Bangalore after robbing Gundappa Industries of Rs 80 lacs, Chenoy says,

"...tamaam Hindustan ke shahron mein, sirf Chenoy group of industries ka raaj hogaa.

Junior laughs and says,

"iski maa kaa, saaraa kaa saaraa maal tuich leke jaa rahaa hai. ye jo note chhapne ki machine tere samne khaDi hai, uska to khyaal kar. 

Chenoy says, "arre tere liye to aaj khaas jashn ka intizaam kiyaa hai"

"zaruur koi, chhokri vokri ka intizaam kiyela hogaa"

Chenoy claps his hands and Hema Malini or Nafisa Khatun emerges. Then Junior says, 

"maanta huun teri pasand ko, maska hai maskaa, ek dum jhakaas"

"मानता हूँ तेरी पसंद को, मस्का है मस्का, एक दम झकास!"

This dialogue - especially 'jhakaas' (which means terrific) - became a cult dialogue later. But most people wouldn't know that the 'maska' being referred to here is Hema Malini. 

Though the film is extremely silly and hasn't aged well, the music of this film still holds up. As a kid, I particularly liked "Zindagi ae zindagi, dekh meri bebasi".

The song that follows this dialogue is also nice. "Main kya aise pyar karungi"

ham jab aayenge to garmii thoDii baRh hee jaayegi, pataa chal hee jaayega

Film: Bullett Raja
Year of release: 2013
Spoken by: Raja Misra (Saif Ali Khan)
Spoken to: Ram Babu Shukla (Raj Babbar)
Dialogue writer: Tigmanshu Dhulia

dada ham jab aayenge to garmii thoDii baRh hee jaayegi, pataa chal hee jaayega bullett raja

yaar Arnab...tu ek achchhaa news anchor...tha

Film: Coffee with D

Year of release: 2017

Spoken by: Roy (Rajesh Sharma)

Spoken to: Arnab Ghosh (Sunil Grover)

Dialogue writer: Aabhar Dadhich

The protagonist in this film was clearly based on Arnab Goswami. Three years ago, he was already unbearable. Now he has taken it to another level altogether.
Roy tells Arnab, "yaar Arnab...tu ek achchhaa news anchor...tha. Lekin, ye nauTanki roz roz nahin chal sakti yaar...ye tu bhi jaanta hai. It's not feasible...people... want to see some real stuff...remember those days, jab log apna dinner chhoD kar TV ke saamne baith jaate the, ki Arnab kaunsa mudda uThaayega ...kiska court martial hoga...it's gone yaar. dekh...I can't sustain like this. "
"यार अर्नब, तू एक अच्छा न्यूज़ एंकर... था"
Well today 

Democracy mein itnaa free spirited honaa acceptable nahiin hai

Film: Kabir Singh

Year of release: 2019

Spoken by: Lawyer Vipul (Harsh Singh)

Spoken to: Karan Singh i.e. Kabir's brother (Arjun Bajwa)

Dialogue writer: Siddharth Singh & Garima Wahal 

Kabir is accused of having operated while under the influence of alcohol. As his lawyer Vipul is firming up his defence strategy, he tells Karan, that he has sealed all possible holes, but how would they handle Kabir's temperamental and unpredictable behaviour?

"uskaa kyaa kare.n? Democracy mein itnaa free spirited honaa acceptable nahiin hai...You'll have to control this"

"उसका क्या करें? डेमोक्रेसी में इतना फ्री स्पिरिटिड होना अक्सेप्टबल नहीं है...यू विल हैव टू कण्ट्रोल दिस"

I love these lovely counter-intuitive lines about democracy. Utpal Dutt had another lovely line written by Rahi Masoom Raza. You can read it here. 

Delnaaz ne kahaa naa Salmaan Khan jaisaa, to Salmaan Khan jaisaa

Film: Aankhen

Year of release: 2002

Spoken by: Prem (Dipesh Shah)

Spoken to: Various people (Paresh Ganatra, Amitabh Bachchan etc.)

Dialogue writer: Aatish Kapadia

When loyalty goes beyond a certain limit, it leads to a person becoming a blind follower. In this movie Prem plays one such person who is smitten by his girl friend and co-worker Delnaaz (Malvika Singh). 

So if you want to impress upon someone that the statement of someone is not to be questioned (boss, husband or some minister), use the format 

Delnaaz ne kahaa "xxxxx" to "xxxxx". 

The first time it is used in this film is when Shailesh (Paresh Ganatra) is distributing pEnDE (sweets) in Vilasrao Jefferson Bank. 

"oh delnaaz ben ...aaiye aaiye...ye pE.nDE khaaiye... 

kis Khushi men

arre meri Meenakshi ko laDka huaa naa 

congratulations ...

thank you ...

dikhta kiske jaisaa hai?

Left hand side se Shahrukh Khan. Right hand side se Hrithik. Means ke exactly mere jaisa dikhtaa hai, bolo naa 

Shailesh bhai ...aap to bilkul Salman Khan jaise dikhte hain

ae ae Delnaaz ben (Shailesh protests in good humour)

Delnaaz ne kahaa naa Salmaan Khan jaisaa, to Salmaan Khan jaisaa"

"डेलनाज़ ने कहा ना सलमान ख़ान जैसा, तो सलमान ख़ान जैसा"

I am sure many of you have a Delnaaz in life. 

Anarkali ka phone tha, ice cream khana bahut zaruri hai

Film: Baazigar

Year of release: 1993

Spoken by: Babulal (Johnny Lever)

Spoken to: Priya Chopra (Kajol)

Dialogue writer: Robin Bhatt, Akash Khurana & Javed Siddiqui

This is the famous scene, which would have been ordinary but for the extraordinary talent of Johnny Lever. 

Anjali (Resham Seth) realises that Priya i.e. Kajol's current boyfriend is the same guy whom she had seen with Seema i.e. Shilpa Shetty. 

"Vicky ki soorat bilkul us aadmi se milti hai - jisse Seema ki dosti thi"

She wants to pass this information on to Priya. Unfortunately for her, the call is received by the forgetful household help Babulal (Johnny Lever). Babulal thinks of himself as the head servant in the household and insists that he receive all calls. This creates a lot of funny situations as he is forgetful. This was much before the Alexa and Ok Google days.

So when Babulal receives the call, at first he asks Anjali to call back, but when Anjali requests,

"do ghanTe se try kar rahi hoon. bahut mushkil se number laga hai...mujhe Seema ke baare mein kuch kehna hai...Priya se itna keh do, Anjali ka phone aayaa hai ..aur wo Seema ke baare mein kucch kehna chaahti hai."

Now starts the fun part. Babulal tries to memorise this simple message. 

"Anjali ka phone hai, Seema memsaab ke baare mein kuchh zaruri baat kehna hai"

Vicky or SRK overhears Babulal repeating this message on his way to deliver it to Priya. He decides to divert Babulal's attention by ordering icecream.

"Babulal mere liye ice cream leke aao"

Babulal reluctantly agrees to do so, but then realises he might forget and continues onwards in his journey towards Priya. 

Unfortunately, the damage has been done. The message he finally delivers to Priya is:

"Baby ji Baby ji phone hai...Anarkali ka phone tha, ice cream khana bahut zaruri hai"

If you have ever attended training sessions on communications, you surely would have played the Chinese Whispers game. Normally a hilarious Chinese Whispers activity is the result of 10-15 participants coming up with their iterations. 

Sometimes, you don't even need two people for the Chinese Whispers result to be hilarious. 

This scene also leads on to another recurring dialogue of Johnny Lever in this film

joint family ke taano.n mein bahot power hotii hai जॉइंट फॅमिली के तानों में बहोत पॉवर होती है

Film: Shubh Mangal Saavdhan

Year of release: 2017

Spoken by: Sugandha's father (Neeraj Sood)

Spoken to: Sugandha (Bhumi Pednekar)

Dialogue writer: Hitesh Kewalya

Sugandha's father is urging his daughter to break off the engagement once it is revealed that Mudit (Ayushmann Khurana) is possibly impotent. He tells Sugandha that her would-be in-laws would constantly taunt her for being infertile (while the fault would be entirely that of the boy). 

"Sugu, meri baat samajh. sasur ke taane, saasu ke taunts, sah legi tuu? 

Sugandha retorts, "sah luungi...meri zindagi hai, jo karna hai main karuungi. par shaadi Mudit se hi karuungi. Thiik hai?"

A distressed father responds with this powerful argument,

"arre beTaa, joint family ke taano.n mein bahot power hotii hai. mujhse poochh. jab se haridwar se nikla huun tab se sah rahaa huun"

"अरे बेटा, जॉइंट फॅमिली के तानों में बहोत पॉवर होती है. मुझसे पूछ. जब से हरिद्वार से निकला हूँ तब से सह रहा हूँ" 

jism kaa dard ek had se guzar jaaye to maut aasaan ho jaati hai. maut ka Khauf nikal jaataa hai dimaaG se

Film: Maachis

Year of release: 1996

Spoken by: Senior police officer (Voice of Naseeruddin Shah)

Spoken to: Inspector SK Vohra (Kanwaljit Singh)

Dialogue writer: Gulzar

The opening shot of this film shows a body being fished out of a prison well. A suspected terrorist Jaswant Singh Randhawa or Jassi (Raj Zutshi) who has been held in that prison (and ostensibly badly tortured) has jumped into the well. The officer in charge (Vohra) and his senior (unknown but the voice is that of Naseer) are discussing the fall out. 

"SK, is terrorist ka zinda rehna bahut zaruuri thaa. maine tumhe kahaa bhi thaa."

Vohra responds, "ji haa.n sir. lekin iskaa zimmevaar main nahiin hoon sir. usne Khudkushii ki hai...kisii ne maaraa nahiin hai use"

"SK vo tumhaare charge mein thaa. dekho, jism kaa dard ek had se guzar jaaye to maut aasaan ho jaati hai. maut ka Khauf nikal jaataa hai dimaaG se. aur mujrim ko vo had kabhi nahiin paar karne di jaati."

"देखो, जिस्म का दर्द एक हद से गुज़र जाए तो मौत आसान हो जाती है. मौत का ख़ौफ़ निकल जाता है दिमाग़ से. और मुजरिम को वो हद कभी नहीं पार करने दी जाती।"

A positive spin of the same thought comes as a dialogue in Marykom where she says, "kabhi kisii ko itnaa bhi mat Daraao, ki Dar hi Khatm ho jaaye"

Baap Ramlal beTaa Faizaan? BaDaa secular hai re tu!

Film: Raees

Year of release: 2017

Spoken by: IPS Majmudar (Nawazuddin Siddiqui)

Spoken to: Constable Ramlal (Unknown)

Dialogue writer: Rahul Dholakiya and others

A constable called Ramlal comes to Nawaz's desk, offers a box of sweets and says,

"Jai Hind sir. Sir surti ghaari. aapko bahut pasand hai na sir?

Nawaz says, "kyaa baat hai Ramlal? baRaa khyaal rakha ja rahaa hai?...chhuTTi vuTTi chaahiye kyaa?"

Ramlal says, "nahin sir, beta hua hai"

Nawaz says, "badhaai ho. aur naam kyaa rakkha hai?"

"Faizaan"

"Baap Ramlal beTaa Faizaan? BaDaa secular hai re tu!

"बाप रामलाल बेटा फ़ैज़ान? बड़ा सेक्युलर है रे तू!"

"Main nahin sir, Raees baap banaa hai...usne ye nyautaa aapko bhejaa hai"

Nawaz retorts, "nyauta bheja hai, to jawab bhi bhej dena...

bachche kaa baap banaa hai, Gujarat ka nahin"

The subject dialogue sarcastically refers to the use of the word secular in India. 

उड़द पर सफ़ेदी जितना uRad par safedi jitnaa

Film: Pukar

Year of release: 1939

Spoken by: Sangram Singh's daughter (Unknown)

Spoken to: Sangram Singh (Sohrab Modi)

Dialogue writer: Kamal Amrohi

Sangram Singh requests his daughter to sew his cloak (giriibaan ka tukmaa or button loop of opening of the cloak). As she sews it, he complains to her about his wife (her mother). His wife had helped his son (a fugitive from law) escape from his house. He was miffed with her favouring the son over the husband. The daughter tries to stand up for her mother and says,

"maa ko apni aulaad se bahut zyaadaa pyaar hota hai”

Sangram asks “aur baap ko nahiin hotaa?”

“hotaa hai, uRad par safedi jitnaa”

"होता है, उड़द पर सफ़ेदी जितना" 

There is an idiom in hindi – uRad par safedi baraabar bhi sharm na honaa. Which means having no shame at all. I used to wonder what it meant because as a kid the only uRad (a type of pulse common in India) I had seen was completely white. It's only later that I realised that uRad is basically black and the white variety that I was seeing was the 'dhuli' or the skinned variety. Hence there is hardly any white visible in a heap of uRad. However if you take the dhuli variety, there is only white visible. Hence this idiom (and hence this dialogue) is relevant only for the whole uRad (the unskinned variety). 

रिटायरमेंट के बाद का मुझे ज़रा भी फिक्र नहीं

Film: Baghban

Year of release: 2003

Spoken by: Raj Malhotra (Amitabh Bachchan)

Spoken to: Mr Rawat - ICICI Bank Manager and Raj's boss (Avtar Gill)

Dialogue: Achala Nagar

This film was based on an American novel written in 1934 - The Years are so Long by Josephine Lawrence (which later was the basis for a 1937 film Make Way for Tomorrow). It was unbearable. But many people have seen it. Comedian Sanjay Rajoura has an excellent routine based on this film. This film had a great lesson for those who leave all their retirement planning predicated on their children. It doesn't work. And if you are planning to retire in the next 20 years, I can assure you it will not work. It's never too late. Start now. 

So what's the dialogue. 

Well, Raj has four useless sons. The second one (Samir Soni) wants to buy a car and needs Rs 50000 for the down payment. In spite of having kids of his own, he turns to his dad for the money. A more sensible dad would have said what Tigmanshu Dhulia did in Gangs of Wasseypur (beTaa..hamein tumhare lachchan bilkul Thiik nahiin  lag rahe hain...tumse naa ho paayegaa). However, then the film would have ended then and there. We couldn't have had that. 

So Mr Malhotra applies for a loan. His boss Rawat warns him that he has always squandered his wealth on his children and has barely anything left in his retirement fund. A confident Raj Malhotra refuses to accept the sage advice and ensures the film runs for two and a half hours. 

This is the full exchange.

"Malhotra saab, ye jo gratuity ke against aapne 50000 ka loan maangaa hai, aap jaante hain ki iske baad aapke account mein, kuchh bhi nahin bachega...Nahin nahin, aap jaise sincere employee ko naa kaa to savaal hi paidaa nahin hotaa...aur phir aap hamaare dost bhi hain...aapne hamesha doosron ko hamaari investment aur bachat scheme ke baare mein encourage kiyaa hai. Magar Khud ki future ke baare mein nahin sochaa. Jo kuchh bhi kamaayaa, vo bachchon ki zaruuraton aur maangon par kharch kar Daalaa, magar sach baat to yeh hai, ki retirement ke baad, apnaa paisaa hi sabse baDi taaqat hotaa hai."

AB says,

"Sir hamaari taaqat to hamaare bachchon ki muskaane.n hain ...aur paisaa hi kis kaam kaa agar...ain waqt par bachchon ke kaam na aa sake. 

Aur vaise bhi sir, retirement ke baad ka mujhe zaraa bhi fiqr nahin, bhagvaan ki kripaa se chaar chaar beTe hain. Chaar chaar anmol fixed deposit. To chaar chaar fixed deposit, aaTh baazuu, sahaare ke liye itna bahut hai mere liye."

"और वैसे भी सर, रिटायरमेंट के बाद का मुझे ज़रा भी फिक्र नहीं, भगवान् की कृपा से चार चार बेटे हैं. चार चार अनमोल फिक्स्ड डिपॉज़िट. तो चार चार फिक्स्ड डिपॉज़िट, आठ बाज़ू, सहारे के लिए इतना बहुत है मेरे लिए."

And as you know, his expectation is completely belied. So think twice before saying,

"रिटायरमेंट के बाद का मुझे ज़रा भी फिक्र नहीं"

This scene comes about 26 minutes into the film